Saudade (Published under Indie Pop)

Chapter 65: The Cage and the Lost Key

There was pain in his voice as he asked me those questions. And I couldn't help but feel sad – for Tarnus and the old Primrose he could never bring back.

"This isn't the right place and right time for this, Tarnus," I replied coldly.

His expression became rigid, as if he was trying to stop something that was begging to come out. I found his moment of hesitation as my chance to get away from him. I sighed and free myself from his grasp before taking a step to the direction of the conference hall.

When I thought he had finally let go of our argument, he built his resolve and shouted, "I'm in love with you, Primrose."

And that was enough for me to stop on my track. With a shock expression, I turned and faced him. I didn't know how to respond to his confession and so, I remained silent as he continued talking.

"I have loved you ever since we were young. And I still do. I did everything to make you feel it by always taking your side and protecting you. But you're too blinded as you chased for that forlorn love across the ocean that you weren't able to see me. And that's when I knew that I wouldn't be able to escape from this quicksand of unrequited love I had fallen into."

He was panting and sweating and I knew that this confession took quite of his strength. But he was wrong; I wasn't blind. There was a part of me that wondered why he cared for me despite of us being not related by blood. And that feeling of being taken care of felt so blissful that I decided to keep it and tied it in the idea that he was only seeing me as his sister he never had. I knew I was selfish but he was one of those people who were too important for me to let go. But now that I confirmed what he was truly feeling towards me, I had to be brave and do the right thing.

"I care for you, Tarnus, and please know that you'll always have a place in my heart. But please, you have to let go of the love you have for me. It is a cage you built hoping that I have the key – but I don't. That's why you have to free yourself from it and if it's necessary, then please leave me. You don't have to stay and protect me."

He may saw me as a devil who used him and let go of him for my convenience. And maybe I was. But this evil woman had to endure letting go of an important part of her. He had been with me for a long time and letting him go meant that all the moment we had shared would turn into distant memories. I had to accept that it won't happen anymore.

He stepped closer towards me and brushed away the tears I didn't know were falling with his fingers. He stared at me with sadness and longing in his eyes.

"I love you, Primrose, and if you think that it's the only reason I stayed with you all this time then you got it wrong. I stayed here because you are here and this is East Land. This is my home; you're my home. And protecting you means I get to protect it, too. After all, you're the beautiful sun of this land. What pains me right now was the way being away from us changed you. I don't know you anymore. The Primrose I had loved all this time is gone. Somewhere in the vast and dangerous sea, I lost you. And the love I have for you is killing me now because I know that you're never coming back."

The coldness I felt was suddenly replaced by warmth. I had been covering my heart in thick ice to shield me from the day of treachery and heartbreak and Tarnus just melted it. I reached forward and wrapped him in my embrace.