His life turned upside down after the reunion. He couldn't concentrate on any of his work. He is not happy. He is terribly guilty. Any person who saw him, judged him as haunted. He didn't speak with anyone for more than a minute. He was constantly sad and lost in thoughts. The words 'Enakaga vanthu ninnan...jaanu kaga' is not getting out of his mind. He don't even know whether he should feel good or bad about it. That meeting distorted his life.
When he planned for the reunion..
He never thought she would come
He never thought he will meet her again in life
He never thought she will recognise him
He never thought he will still swoon if she touch him
He never thought she will talk to him
He never thought he will spend a night with her
He never thought she will go on a bike ride with him
He never thought he will hear her 'Yamunai Aatrile'
And he never thought she will rephrase the college scene as he always wanted it to be.
All his thoughts about Jaanu's opinion on him turned out to be a delusion. It all felt like a dream now. Both the present and the past. Nothing made sense anymore. She never hated him as he thought. Each moment when she made him believe she still likes him, gave him goosebumps.
He couldn't believe this. He thought its a most pleasant dream of his life and once he wakes up, reality hits and Jaanu still hates him. He can't be so lucky. But yes, it's real. She didn't hate him. That single truth is enough for him to live his coming days in peace. But the continuation of the truth is what haunted him.
She was waiting for him.
She was crying for him.
She was expecting him.
She was disappointed by him.
But..
She still care for him.
She still admire him.
She still like him.
And, she still love him.
He couldn't absorb this harsh truth. He entirely blamed himself for not taking enough efforts. He tried to meet her only once after the school. And even at that time, he committed a blunder. He delegated the most important moment of his life to an unknown girl. And worse, he trusted her words blindly without any questions. He trusted that unknown girl more than his Jaanu.
Why he was not ready to wait for her and explain the reasons?? He was thinking himself as a disturbance in her life and moved out as gracefully as he did. That is his side of the truth.
Ha, the irony. How the reality is completely different from his belief. His graceful move has only given her distressful sorrow.
If only he had enough belief in his love, enough belief in his Jaanu. If only he had been less adamant in leaving immediately. If only he had waited another 2 mins for her to come out. If only he tried to reach her again in any other way. If only he was not so selfless as he was. Everything would have changed.
