jemina // sirius black

four

We made it to St. Mungo's ten minutes early, and I dropped Remus and the girls off at the corner while I went to park the car. 

I locked the doors with spells, just in case, before I started heading to the entrance. 

I'd had stopped to dig around in my purse, which actually had stuff in it - the older the girls got, the more things I needed to carry for them - looking for chapstick. When I found it, I pulled it out and looked up to continue walking. 

That's when I saw it - I saw him. 

I was on the sidewalk, the hospital's entrance just a hundred feet away. He was across the street from the corner where I'd dropped Remus and the girls. I doubted that Remus had seen him, as he would have made the girls go inside while he came to the car to escort me. 

If he'd been there when I dropped them, then he saw Lilian. 

There had to be a lot of confusion rushing through his mind. I doubted that he didn't wonder who the third little girl was. 

But I stood there, staring at him, for longer than I should have. Every ounce of my being wanted to curse him into oblivion, or run to him and force him to change out of his animagus. Every single cell in my body was alight, knowing he was right there. 

This was the closest I had been to my husband in twelve years. 

He looked deathly thin, the ribs of the wolfdog fully visible even from all the way over here. His eyes, his beautiful grey eyes, looked so impossibly haunted. 

I wondered what was going through his mind. Was he thinking about me, how my hair was shorter and lighter? Was he thinking about the girls? Did he recognize Esme and Aubrey? 

Was he wondering why Lilian had been clinging to Remus? 

I then wondered if maybe he thought Lilian was Remus' daughter. Her hair was lighter than either Esme or Aubrey and she was most likely holding Remus' hand as if he was her father. 

There was nothing I wanted more than to talk to him, and I know he knew that. 

My heart softened when he cocked his head. I started walking towards the entrance of the hospital, my eyes trained on him. When I got to the corner, I held my hand out towards him. I had no idea what I was doing, but I missed him so much. 

Like I'd told Remus, my head wasn't on straight. 

I could see him considering it, and I watched as he looked both ways before he started walking across the street. 

The door beside me opened, and he darted down the street. 

"Jem?"

"You scared him away."

"Who?"

"It was a little dog," I said quietly as I moved passed him into the hospital. I knew that the disheartened expression on my face, and the sadness in my voice, confused Remus. He watched me as I moved passed him, his eyebrows knitted tightly. I took a breath, "A stray, I think he was a puppy."

"You got distracted by a puppy?"

"Of course I did, you know me."

I hated lying to him, but he would have freaked if he knew it was Sirius. 

My heart was racing, and as I walked towards Arlo's office I tried to calm down. I had been so close to him, so very close to touching him. Part of me wished that Remus had waited another minute or two. The other part of me was glad that he didn't, I knew that the moment that I actually got to touch him, I'd forgive him.