What it Means to Love | Michaeng ✔️

Decisions

"I wish you would remember me."

Were those words said in a different way, in a different situation by a different person, I would have laughed it off, perceived it as nothing more than words spat out by someone who's had a little too much to drink... but it came from her. She looked broken, she sounded broken, it hurt to see her such a state.

"You know," she started, "I didn't want to believe it at first, I didn't want to believe that you forgot about me. I came to visit you the day you woke up but Tzuyu was there. She stopped me, told me that you had no idea who either of us were. I got mad at her, obviously. She's been trying to steal you away from me ever since you two met. She told me that even if I didn't believe her, I should at least wait for you to come back to school before talking to you, when you're better. She didn't threaten me or anything, she actually begged. I hesitated but agreed nonetheless and did what she said. The wait was excruciating, but I held on to hope. Hope that I would see you again, smiling at me, holding me, telling me that everything's alright... and then it happened. On my way to class someone bumped into me, my books fell, I looked up and there you were. You apologized and quickly picked up my books for me. It felt so unreal. I wanted to hug you there and then, kiss you all over, I almost did. I had missed you so much, to say that I was happy to see you was an understatement, but whatever it was that I felt in that moment didn't last. Because when our eyes finally met, I saw no joy in yours, no recognition... nothing. Just a girl who was in a hurry to get to where she needed to be. You handed me my books and went on your way. I was left standing in the middle of that hallway wondering if I should laugh or dive further into denial. I did neither and went back here to cry my eyes out," she paused for a moment and put her hand on her chest. "That song really hurt, you know? Reminded me too much of myself. Every day I wake up hoping you'd remember everything, I'm still hoping. I know I can't make you remember, but a part of me wants to because... I miss you, Chaeyoung. I miss you so fucking much." I'm not an idiot. I knew what she meant by her last wish, it's the details that I knew nothing of, and as much as I'd like to find out, I don't think she's capable of telling me exactly what happened just yet. I set the instrument aside and moved closer to her. I watched her tears hit the floor. I listened to her sob loudly, uncontrollably and all I could think of at that moment was that I did this to her. I kneeled beside held her in my arms. I didn't know if I was making things better or worse by doing but it was the only thing I could think of doing. We stayed like that until her sorrows completely drained her and she fell asleep.

I found Mina to be surprisingly light when I carried her to her bedroom. It occurred to me that I haven't been to her bedroom before when I brought her there. It was big, a lot bigger than my room and Jeongyeon's combined. She had queen size bed with very expensive looking sheets and pillowcases. It seemed like a couple's bed to me. "Maybe I have been here before," I wondered. I walked towards her bed and set her down gently as to not wake her, however she still did. I placed my hand on the side of her face and caressed her cheek with my thumb to soothe her, help her fall asleep again, but she had other plans.

"I want to ask for something else now. Is that okay?" she said.

"Of course, as long as I can do it," I said.

"Kiss me." I knew it was wrong and that I should've denied her request, but at that moment I didn't even think twice before I decided to lay down next to her. I could tell by the look on her face that she was surprised at how easily I submitted to her. Honestly, I'm quite surprised at myself as well for making the decisions I've made throughout the night. I did agree take her top off earlier. I placed my hands on her waist looked at her again. Her eyes were puffy, her breath hitched with every little movement my hands made and then finally, for what seemed like an eternity, I granted her wish and leaned in. It only lasted a few seconds, five to be exact, but I could hear the beating of our hearts. Both were quick and loud, Mina got what she wanted and she looked like she was satisfied... but I wasn't. I leaned in once more and gave her a longer, more fervent kiss, the kind your parents don't want you to see in the movies you watched as a kid. She responded by kissing back just as fervently, grabbing the back of my head, deepening it. I knew it was wrong, I knew that I shouldn't be doing it, that I should've gone home hours ago, but I also knew in the deepest parts of my being, I didn't care. She wanted to take things further and ran her tongue over my bottom lip. I licked back, signaling it was alright and then we let our primal desire completely take over. Our hands messily roamed each other's bodies. Her skin felt so soft, so smooth against my hands, I couldn't help but moan into our kiss. She pulled back a moment later to get on top of me, it gave me some time to catch my breath. "Chaengie," she breathed out as she started kissing down my neck, lightly sucking on the most sensitive of spots. The scene was very familiar, only this was real and way more intense.