Bittersweet and Delicate

Part 1: Before

Chapter One: 45 Days Before

The trill of the alarms sounded through my branch of the complex at 6:00 on the dot. It was the low series of three dong, dong, dongs signaling it was time to wake up. I rolled over and hugged my blanket to my chest for another minute, thinking about how when I was a girl I used to wait until someone came to fetch me before I would even dare to emerge from the comfort of this cocoon.

But you're a woman now, a voice reminded me. That thought launched a wave of adrenaline through my body that prickled my arm hair.

I flung my comforter off and dashed to my closet. After throwing on the clothes I was supposed to wear, I raked my fingers through the ends of my hair and sped out the bedroom door without a second glance back. The living space was bustling, the other 20 somethings bumping around each other to make their breakfast. My stomach was too knotted to eat, so I bypassed all their grumbled greetings and raced out the front door. I hadn't thought twice about my loose flowing hair until I saw the older women in the fields, their tight French twists the picture of elegance even with plows in their hands. I twisted my hair in on itself, sending up a silent prayer for the ever-present hair pins in my pocket.

"Edie!"

I looked over my shoulder to see a waterfall of jet black curls billowing in the wind as my best friend bounded down the hill after me. She jumped on my back, swinging her legs around my thighs.

"You're going to kill us both!" I shouted at her, pushing her off but consumed by giggles.

"You're so dramatic, besides aren't you simply bursting with joy," she said instead and the smile stretched across her face made her appear at least fourteen. She had those big eyes and rosy cheeks that made everyone fall in love.

"Where's your uniform?" I pointed at her ripped jeans and oversized t-shirt, ignoring her prying gaze.

It was Wednesday. Wednesday was a required dress day-literally and figuratively. We had to wear the breezy tan skirts that came to our mid-calves with the top that was like a smock over our three-quarter sleeve white shirt. Tucked into the waistband of the skirt. Hair neatly packed into a bun or a twist. I had been told it looked like something from a dystopian film, but I didn't know what that meant. I just knew it was Law and anything that was Law must be obeyed.

Disobedience of this rule was punishable by lashes or paddling. Griffen was no stranger to this.

Her brown eyes grew to the size of saucers at my question. "It's not... Right?"

My stomach sank. "You didn't pay attention when you got up just now?"

She shook her head. "I was too excited about seeing you before your Cleansing."

"Well, go before someone sees you!" I shooed her away. "I'll cover for you, just be quick. I don't want you getting in trouble again."

The relief was visible in her entire body; her eyes softened, her shoulders seemed to ease back into place away from her ears. "God bless you, Eden. I'll be there soon, I promised!"

I continued my trek to the Nursery as Griffen's stomping feet disappeared up the grassy hill. I pushed open the door to immediately be greeted by the smell of formula and baby powder. There was hardly a sound, all seven babies sleeping, tucked into their bassinets.

I smiled. Soon enough my own child would be cared for in this glorious center of peace and serenity. I could picture them snuggling up against the nannies, swaddled in a soft pink blanket. They would coo as their hair was stroked back away from their face. In the meantime, I loved that my strengths deemed me apt enough to work in this place every day. The walls were a pastel blue, a color that never failed to calm my anxiety even on the most stress filled days. When the little ones were up and aware, there was always the soft lull of Hymns floating through the mounted speakers. My spirits were always lifted as soon as I crossed the threshold.