My Nightmare Crush

27|| Playing it down

Connor tensed all over, flabbergasted, clearly not having expect me to do that. He stood there, rigid for some seconds, stiff as ever and only after the first shocked seconds he patted my back. "There, there." I supposed it was meant to be reassuring but it came out awkward and I couldn't help an ashamed chuckled that ended in a chocked sniffle. Guess we both were really clueless at this situations.

A blush of embarrasment burned my skin agressively as a rebel tear dared to escape but I only held him tighter, afraid he might push me away. For some reason, Connor made me feel safe despites being the coldest and more detatched person I'd ever met. Surprisingly, he didn't. Nor hugged me back either but in that moment I really needed that hold -even if it was just a one-side hug. He allowed me to let it out and only after I calmed enough I took in what was I doing. Realization of what a fool out of myself I was making sink deep in me and my guts twisted.

Amazing, Alyson. So smooth.

 I shyly pulled away clearing my throat. "I'm sorry. I- Damn."  I let out another ashamed laugh wiping under my eyes and unable to hold his gaze after such a display of disarray. "I didn't mean to be this mess. I just..." I hated how my voice faltered as if the whole thing came back to me at once and the emotions strangled me at once. I forced in a deep shaky breath before summarizing: "I'm sorry."

Connor  shrugged, apparently unbothered by my little outburst but his eyes weren't that cold. He even baffled me further when he moved to the side. He was inviting me in, wasn't he? Since he was't much of a man of words I usually struggled to comprend him, but this sign was pretty clear. Sending him a wavery smile I took a couple steps in.

The music was ten time louder in here, its beat almost making my bones tremble. A quick glance around and I took in a few details. Such as the darkness of most of his belongings, how his white walls were all scratched and covered in letters; words and sentences superimposed, the meaning of whichs wasn't exactly the happy-flower-kind. But opossed to the overlaborated work on the walls, his furniture like desk and shelves were practically empty. Only a few belongings occupied it: a computer, a couple books... nothing exactly revealing.

"T-they say you got suspended." I muttered peeling my gaze from the scrutiny and towards his nonchallant figure.

Not bothering with other answer than a pointed look, Connor closed the door again and moved to sit on his bed, completely unfazzed by my presence there. He lowered the volum of the music with a control and retook the disregarded skateboard from the floor, laid it upside-down on his lap and only then I noticed the tools splashed over the duvet.

"Oh, I-I didn't mean to disturb you if you're busy." I stuttered, insecure again, feeling really exposed  there standing in his room even tho Connor wasn't looking at me anymore, working on the board. As his hands move to unroll one of the wheels his bruised knuckes caught my attention again and I felt my stomach churned. "I'll be real quick. I j-just wanted to say I'm so sorry you got suspended." he sent me a brief 'are you kidding' look and go back to fiddle with the wheel with a shrug, showing he wasn't bothered by it. I still felt this unease feeling on my stomach, tho. Gulping I proceeded: "And also, thanks. For stepping in, for deffending me and... well. Thank you."

"Does it hurt?" his words startled me since he didn't even rose his gaze, focused on his work. My hand instinctibly went to the band-aid that now decorate my forehead, but lowered it as soon as I realized what I was doing.

"It stings." I confessed in a low voice and immediately cleared my throat to get rid of the knot in there. "B-but I'm sure I wasn't the worst injured there."

"I hope."

I ignored the malice in his tone, glancing back at his hand. "What about you? Doesn't that hurts?"