What it Means to Love | Michaeng ✔️

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Every morning, I wake up with this sinking feeling that I don't really know how to explain. I find it bearable most days but sometimes the feeling gets heavy, really heavy, almost as if it's demanding me to feel it. They often lead to these moments where I'm almost incapable of getting up from my own bed, moments where I find myself clutching onto my chest, wanting to rip out my own heart just so I won't have to feel it anymore. Simply put, it hurts. It's been like this for over a year now. To add insult to injury, I have absolutely no idea why I feel this way. I haven't exactly been bullied in school or mistreated by my parents, or even had my heart broken. I'm fine, my life's fine! So why? Why do I feel so... empty? Why do I wake up feeling like there's something missing in my life? Sometimes I wish someone had just broken up with me, at least then I'd have a concrete answer.

"Get your ass up, Son Chaeyoung. You're gonna be late!" my roommate shouted as she violently, and repeatedly, struck the frying pan she was holding with a spatula like a madwoman. I groaned as I blindly reached my phone. I felt a familiar sting in my eyes as I opened them to check the time.

"Fuck off, Jeong. It's Sunday." It was only half past eight, which meant it was still a little too early for this shit.

"I know, but your girlfriend's here and she bought us breakfast. Come on!" She practically ran out of the room after she explained. Tzuyu often insisted on having breakfast with me whenever she had the time. Rarely does she ever do it on a Sunday though, seeing as Jeongyeon usually stays in and that meant she'd have to buy her food as well. Judging by my roommate's eagerness to wake me up, I'm going to assume that she did

"I wonder what she brought today," I said and sighed as I got up.

~

After a quick shower, I decided to go join the people in my kitchen. When I got there, I was met with the sight of Jeongyeon happily shoving pancakes in her mouth and my girlfriend's amused face. I went over to Tzuyu and gave her a peck on her cheek, "Good morning, babe," I greeted.

"Good morning to you too," she greeted back. She leaned in for a kiss of her own but I quickly raised my hand and put it in between our faces to stop her. She looked a bit offended by the gesture which made me laugh.

"I haven't brushed my teeth yet. After breakfast though." I said, but she merely shook her head, smiling as she moved my hand and leaned in to kiss me anyway. Just like that, I felt a whole lot better.

~

College was a lot less complicated than I thought it would be. In my senior year of high school all I ever heard from my teachers was, "College is hard, get your act together." They even made us sit through an entire seminar talking about how hard it is. Imagine my surprise when I found out that college is just high school on crack. Let me explain, high school is basically your strict mother who constantly gives you shit for things like being late, not dressing up properly, sleeping or eating when you're not supposed to, and does all of these things out of, "care." College, on the other hand, is your drunk father who's just kind of... there. You know he's there, he knows you're there but he doesn't really care. Sometimes he might scold you for going too far but most days he just lets you do whatever you want to do. College is fucking great compared to high school.

I was still in my second year of college with music as my major. I would have been in my third by now but sadly I was hospitalized along with my parents when we got into a bad car accident. I broke a few bones and missed a semester but it was alright. At least I didn't die and neither did my parents. I also probably wouldn't have met Tzuyu if it didn't happen since we ended up having a lot of classes together, so I guess it's all good. I didn't really have a lot of classes so I spent most of my time either wandering around the campus or sitting next to this tree that nobody ever went to. Right now, I'm at the tree. The fresh air always seemed to help relieve me of any kind of stress. I was currently working on the song that I had to write and perform at the end of the semester when Tzuyu showed up and clung to me like with a pouty look on her face, acting all needy. Truth be told, Tzuyu isn't particularly needy, she just had her moments. "There anything you want?" I asked her.