I adjusted my microphone, and lean in. This Dazzling tea-lord mogul was about to spill what's what.
"The tea, is decaf."
His face contorted, bitter like an over-steeped blend that had been left to marinate for way too long
"Or rather, the LACK OF!!
I, Dazzling Darren Daz Black, Ceo of Dazzling tea enterprises, have decreed that it is only right to declare infamy against the brew of LIES that is decaf tea!!"
His knuckles flexed, and the walls of video cameras, vlogging his every move clicked with action, automatically editing and processing his words. His latest addition, tik tok, was already applying several meme-filters over his actions, priming each spoken syllable and gesture into what could only be assured viral content.
Not that the tea-lord ever needed all that to begin with. The man was already a walking, strutting, STRIDING meme with every fiber of his being.
"LINDA!!!!"
A banshees shreik of ear jarring shrillness sliced itself through the aromatic air of the tea office.
My head reeled and my ears rang. I wasn't sure if my heard just slipped a beat, or if my now shattered nerves had given me a heart attack.
Daz's peircing beady eyes surveyed his various video-recording kingdoms all before him
"LINDA WRITE FORTH AND DECREE THESE WORDS!!
I, DAZ BLACK, DECREE WAR ON THE SEVEN KINGDOMS OF ALL DECAF!!!!"
..."S,S,seven...?"
My long since shattered nerves could barely inquire into this meaning. It's the one thing everyone forgets about the internet. To survive, nay THRIVE online, you must be ten times what you would ever be normally...
...you must be larger than life, you must be VIRAL
And that's what Dazzling Daz was; larger than life, eccentric to the point his haters would cry "NeUrOtIc!" My poor fragile being was struggling to keep up. I don't know how this poor Linda creature copes being sporadically screamed at, and constantly must survive being blasted for her low disc space, but even being here for this interview, I wasn't too sure what he might or might not do next...
Optimising his angling for whatever viral content of his was going to be published online next, Daz swung about, his tea-leaf Cape shadowing about him ominously, his glittering eyes drilling forth out onto the world.
"Myes"
The sinister tones of his honey-coated scheming flowed out across the tea leaves, sending shivers down my spine. My blood ran cold
"SEVEN KINGDOMS OF BLASPHEMY AGAINST DAZ, AND SEVEN SINS TO MARK THEM
THE SEVEN CRIMS AGAINST MY KINGDOMS, AND SEVEN BILLION FOLLOWERS TO HUNT THEM!
I WILL DOST WAGE WAR AND HUNT THEM DOWN,
LEAVE THEIR MEMORIES IN THE GROUND
THEIR SEVEN HOPES AND PITIFAL GRASPS OF SURVIVAL SHALL MATCHETH NOT
MY FOLLOWERS GRASPS AND POWER!!!'
The man was insane. Power-trip drunk on the high his tea and followers had gained him, I couldn't even begin to fathom wtf this supposed seven kingdoms and sins of deacaf was
"...May I inquire into these seven kingdoms...?
I delicately inquired. I must continue to play things cool... I must, I MUST
"MYES, SEVEN KINGDOMS"
Dazzling Daz replied
"CHAMOMILE TEA - A good blend, yes, but tea should NOT BE taken just for sleeping!! Tea is an art form; an eternity, a TRAVESTY that must only be admired with your full heart and soul!"
My head spun, as he seethingly listed competing brands and items which had apparently earned their way onto his tea-stained shit-list. I think I might have heard 'alarm clocks' being one of them..
This man was too much! And his tea...
....not enough...
I gulped down the rest of the cup he had offered to me upon arriving. I was going to need something stronger than just tea if I was gonna make it here.
"And the last one?"
His voice bitterly emanated out across the room.
"Is decaf coffee. COFFEE!!!"
Somewhere distantly off in the background, thin feminine voices chanted
"The evil bean of the unseen! The blaspheming butters of TOIL"
Was this 'Linda'? Was this an army of his followers perhaps?
The only way I could know was if I stayed to find out...
((I can't beleive Daz read the first part of my fanfiction in his YouTube video!! I can't beleive people actually think my work is worth reading! 😅
I've written an update because people seem keen and are being nice to me; LET ME KNOW all your thoughts and ideas!!))
Instagram.com/scr1b3notscribble
