Shaped Me

Mr. Silently Sexy

Moving out of the way I slide down the wall leaning my head against it. It's coolness seems to help calm my forming headache. They have been happening more frequently than before. I've just chalked it up to a lack of sleep. During tryouts for the team I had a headache so bad I thought I was going to pass out but somehow I managed to make it through. Seems I did well enough for Coach to ask me to be captain. When he pulled me aside this morning I was positive he was cutting me. If he did, I didn't know if I would have been upset. But he told me he thought I would make a good captain. I don't know if I agree.

Never were good for anything. His voice echoes in my head. It always does. Of all the things that I am forgetting lately why is his voice not one of them? Darren's words stick. Stuck. Every word he has said to me I can   The last time I spoke to Darren was in court that day. I knew nothing else about what was happening with him after that day. Didn't want to. He still hated me that day probably more than before. I made him lose everything, again. Hell of a feeling that has to be, hate. He sat there looking at me as if half of me wasn't him. Messed up part of it all is I'd probably forgive him if he said sorry. Fucked up isn't it?

You're mother didn't want you. You're nothing.

"Bubs." Breath. Opening one eye I stare up at her. Standing over me she looks damn near perfect. But isn't it crazy how everyone's definition of perfection is different?

"Mmhmm"

"We gotta go in now." Sticking my hand out the way she did I wait for her to pull me up knowing she can't. Hands grabbing mine she plants her feet and pull at my hands. Continuing until I give in and jump up when she pulls. "No more food for you."

"Starvation isn't the way to a man's heart curly sue."

"Oh well." Walking to the door she stops causing me to collide with her. Another thing about Manny is she's brave but that usually comes after her fifteen second panic attack. She's the kind of person whose yes is yes and no is no. So once she says she's doing something she will. However, moments before realization somehow seeps into her and panic settles in.

"Nope, you got this." Pushing her forward I whisper into her ear. She knows this dance even if she doesn't think she does but she's done it backwards and forwards. There is nothing else she needed to do but to actually do it. "Come on. It's my turn to be a fan, curly sue."

Bending down so I am directly by her ear " you know I'm your biggest fan right." Kissing her ear I see her squirm before breathing. With one final push she's in the room and finding her spot. Waving me over Lex points to a spot on the bleachers next to her. It was a different set up than their tryout last year. This year it has been open to the school to serve as both a promotional thing and a tryout.

"What's up Mr. Silently Sexy."

"I thought that name died."

"Nope, candy?" Pushes the box my way she pulls out another box before settling into her seat even more. "Panic attack averted?"

"Yeah"

"So what do you think Mr. Axel is making for dinner tonight. I'm hoping it's pasta." Soon the music was blasting in the gym and everyone's focus was on the girls in the center. Each moving to the rhythm. I can't dance much to Manny's dismay, so watching them is completely fascinating. There were about twenty girls on the floor but the only one holding my attention just happens to be mine. I don't think she realizes just how good she is. Her face absolutely at ease as she hit every beat. Manny moved to the beat with complete expertise. Eyes focused solely on her I can see how much this means to her by just looking. Nothing else mattered.

"Hey lover boy this is when you clap." Lex said. When did it end? Joining in with the rest of the crowd I clapped finding it hard to hide how proud I felt. "Let's go wait for her outside." Knowing it wasn't a question I followed behind her.

"Nile!"

"Yeah Ace?"

"Some of the guys are heading over to rink wanna come?" I needed a break from hockey for a bit and the conversation itself. I've been thinking about the Coaches question all day. Simple answer would be no. I should go to him now and tell him no. I don't have what it takes to be captain. That requires leading people and I have never led anyone. I haven't even given someone instruction before, how am I supposed to lead a team. Coach gave me the choice of either being captain or alternate captain. I don't think I want either.

"No, I'm gonna head home."

"Probably smart, Coach already has the practice schedule up." Coach Dawson doesn't seem to miss a beat. Since we found out who made the team he had already emailed us practice schedules. Basically we could kiss any ounce of free time away.

"Ready to go?" Looking down at Manny I notice the scratch on her face. Subconsciously I reach out and touch it. "You're driving."

"Yeah. let's go."