Searching For You

Chapter 48: Blame

Rey's POV:

I am busy chatting away with Poe, Finn, and BB-8, who have come to visit. Ben returns and I can instantly tell he is upset. He did not say a word to me as he pulled up a chair to the foot of my bed. He has not acted this distant to me in a long time and it hurts. I can not stand to see the pain I've put him in. I get up from the bed, ignoring the pain in my foot and leave the tent without another word. My heart aches knowing I lied to Ben but I only wanted to protect him but it looks like it's causing more harm than good. It all too much for me, losing my child, all that Seth put me through and betraying and hunting Ben. I fall to my knees shortly outside of the tent and cry, not able to hold back anything anymore. I didn't care who sees me break down anymore because I was falling apart. I must have been crying louder than I thought because Ben came running to my side yet again. I push him away at first, ashamed he has to see me like this. "What's gotten into you?" he asks, forcibly grabbing my shoulders and shaking me slightly. "I'm sorry, I just wanted to protect you, don't be mad," I say in between sobs as I feel my body start to go numb to everything. "Protect me from what Rey! We are safe here!" He states practically yelling. I can't bring myself to answer him, let alone look at him. I somehow find the willpower to run away. Ben chases after me yelling my name, I make it to the door from earlier, I freeze. I know Ben can feel my anxiety, stress, and sorrow. Still angry from my actions, he pushes past me and opens the doors walking in.

Ben's POV:

I walk in and see the set of crates Rey brought in earlier. I open one to see what all the fuss is about and I see the bundle of baby clothes. I feel like an idiot and a horrible person for yelling at her earlier. Now understanding she was trying to prevent me from reliving the pain I felt when I found out our child died. I turn to Rey with tears threatening to spill from my eyes. "It was my fault...I landed the ship because space travel was starting to make me feel ill. You were asleep ... and went out to get some fresh air on my own...Seth found me ... I wasn't strong enough to fight my way out ... I wanted you safe... I used the force to send the ship away with you on it... knowing I could not have let them get us both." She tries to explain in between sobs. Instead of being upset with her for what she did, I can not help but be in awe over the strength she had to keep herself together this long. Closing the crate, I walk over to her and pull her close. "I don't blame you. You did nothing wrong. I blame them. Do you hear me? It's their fault. Don't ever blame yourself you hear" I try to reassure her. I feel her muscles relax and I plant a kiss on top of her head. 'Force, I love this girl so much.'

"I know this is bad timing because I know we are both a hot mess right now, but I have another proposition for you that we have yet to talk about yet," I whisper to her as her eyes look at me in confusion.