Searching For You

Chapter 47: Not Enough

Ben's POV:

Once I had dropped Ray off in the medical tent to have her foot treated, I left to go back to our room in order to start unpacking. I was hesitant to leave Ray there by herself at first. After everything we've been through in the last couple of months, it's hard but I knew she was in good hands. I just need a moment to think for myself. I walked to our room and sigh rubbing the bridge of my nose, I can't shake this feeling that I'm missing something. It just doesn't feel right and I can't put my finger on it. Maybe it was the lack of furniture, but that wasn't coming until later this week. I just wanted to get things done so this place can start feeling more like home for us and maybe this weird feeling will go along with it.

I open the last crate, the one with all of the things that Rey was not allowed to look into. This crate contained both my mother's and my grandmother's wedding dresses and along with their jewelry. Among the items are my grandmother's and grandfather's wedding bands. I pull them out of the crate and start rolling them around in my hand. Looking at them I cannot help but to think about how much Rey means to me, how much I want to marry her and start a family with her. At the same time, I fear what kind of father I would even be to our future child? I fear I am not going to be a worthy enough husband for her and I fear that I will screw up my family life just like my relatives screwed me up. The little girl in gray flashes through my mind and my heart aches to wish I got to know her. I put the rings back and reseal the crate. It's just too much to think about right now. I put it to the side, wondering if I will ever be ready to take on those roles. As I start to walk back towards Rey, I can't help but wonder what's in the other crates in the room next door? Whatever it is Rey will share it with me when she's ready. I do my best to push the curiosity away and head back to the new group of friends I call a family.