Philophobia // Boreo

6. Meteoroids

[August 12th - 13th, 2019]

P.O.V Theo

The room started to spin, objects started moving like meteoroids.

Smoke filled the air, Boris laid on the ground with a knee up. His hand resting on the ,ground holding his lit cigarette. He laughed at nothing, intoxicated with hard liquor, he didn't seem to care about anything at the moment. He looked so relaxed acting as if he didn't just get in trouble with the principle from school for punching a kid in the face giving the idiot a broken nose.

He lived in the moment as for i lived in the past.

Why is it when i want to be noticed im ignored or when i want to be ignored im noticed. Its so hard to try and figure out what i want anymore, do i want friends? Do i want to be alone so i don't get hurt? Do i want to be numb all the time or feel something?

My mind is so complexed, its never a simply yes or no. Its always a 'maybe' , 'yes but no. Thank you' , "umm'.

Its hard to be normal or even think normal, what is normal anymore? Is it crying my self to sleep every night? Feeling utterly depressed? Feeling nothing? Sleep being rare for me? Pushing everyone away? Being ignored?

Maybe that is all normal, not for everyone just for me. My life has went so far down that even thinking of feeling okay or smiling turns into waves of hard  hitting emotions. Nothing is right, everything is wrong.
__

In my drunken state i didn't realize what i was doing or saying the only thing i knew was that i blacked out walking towards Boris, with a small giggle.

-
P.O.V Boris

As i laid on the ground with a cigarette in hand Theo came walking towards me tripping on nothing, he landed right on me. His legs strangled my waist to the ground.

He stared at me with a smirk, i stared back questioning what he was doing.

"Potter?"

"...yeaahhh?"
Theo said with a slur.

"What are you doing?"

"Umm i want a kiss?"

Before i could respond Theo smashed his lips into mine, i kissed back instantly loving the taste of his lips, his soft lips on mine gave me this euphoric rush. I never wanted it to end, they way he felt against my lips gave me the epiphany that maybe the secret to being happy wasn't drugs or booze but instead it was a living being with glasses and dirty blonde hair named Theo, he wasn't everyone elses happiness he was mine and is mine.
-

We pulled back from the kiss catching our breaths.

Theo looked at me shocked and terrified by what he just did, in his eyes there was a small glimmer of love but he decided to ignore his real feeling and hide i with anger.

"Get the fuck away from me!"

The boy with the heartbreaking eyes told me and pushed himself back away from me.

My heart ached then anger boiled inside of me.

"Why-...no, no, how come you push away kind people? And let the hurtful people in? You push and pull then leave and repeat!"

Theo stood with a blank face, not being able to comprehend what happened. His yelling towards me, the kiss we shared or even the tears streaming down his face.
 

"Stop....Boris...Stop."

"Stop what Potter? Stop speaking the truth? Stop telling you how it truly is??....tell me Theo, tell me what is it exactly you want me to stop doing?"

Theo shook his head, "i want you to stop trying to know me...i want you to stop pretending to care....to stop being so kind to me!!! You'll leave me and forget about me once things go downhill!!!"

Theo said between sobs with tears running down his porcelain face and glass eyes, he covered his face with his hands crying into them.

The words he spoke hurt but he's Theo so how can i stay away from him? Or even be mad at him. I could never.

I walked towards him and hugged him tightly, i rubbed his back softly and ran my fingers through his soft hair.

"Shhh, shhh Theo, i never will leave you. I promise....ill take that to the grave....and if there's anything after death i will still never leave you unless you say to."

He pulled away to look me in the eyes, a small smile appeared on his face.

"Promise? Pinky promise?"

i grabbed his face with both hands and wiped his tears away. I hooked my pinky to his and said,

"I promise..."

I looked deep into his eyes and said in a whisper soothing tone,

"Potter, i promise i never will leave. Other people may have promised that to you and broke you but im not them and never will be. Im here for you....lovely."

Mumbles came from Theo, he hugged me and cuddled into me.

"Thank you Boris, im so sorry for being mean...also i think im black out drunk?"

I chuckled at his words, we laughed in harmony and hugged each other as if we were the only people in the world and nothing else mattered but us and the moon shinning down upon us.

"Are you tired?"

Theo nodded, i pulled away from him and grabbed his hand to lead him to his bed.

I sat him down gently, pulling off his shirt so he would feel more comfortable sleeping.

"Come here Potter."

He crawled towards me sitting against the head board on the bed and cuddle up against me.

His head laying onto my chest, his arm wrapped around my torso and my arm wrapped around him too. Our legs intertwined with each others, blankets covering our cold bodies.

I caressed his upper arm and whispered,

"You mean the world to me Potter, i like you so much."

"I....i like you too Boris....good...night."

My heart skipped a beat, my stomach did flips.

I kissed the top of his head out of care and thankfulness that he's here with me.

-

Later on i heard his breathing evening out and soft snores coming from him, i admired his beauty and took in every second i had with him right now knowing he wont remember anything from tonight.

-
-
-
-
-
-

A/N
Hello lovelies! Im so sorry for the long pause of this book :( i went into major depression and had no motivation for this book but i feel sorta okay so i thought to write a chapter :) i really hope you enjoy it🖤🖤