Intimacy; Defined

intimacy; an understanding

Weeks turn into months and once again, we fall into a routine. Soft sleepy mornings; work often pushed back by the promise of just "one more kiss". Busy afternoons, meeting after meeting is exhausting and most days Bax comes home and doesn't want to look at another computer screen. I can't blame her. Office jobs suck. But at the end of the day, we hold each other close and whisper promises of forever into each other's bare bodies.

Those days of hastily and mind-numbingly stripping clothes off and filthy words growled into the dark of night are gone; replaced with slow sensual touches, long baths, and engaging discussions. We are intimate, now more than ever.

Occasionally, doubt and insecurities flood my mind and I worry if Bax needs more. If she's lacking in the sexual aspect or if she misses it. But with time it gets easier to voice these worries out to her and she holds me close and reassures me that I'm all she needs.

It makes me feel whole.

A sleepy October morning, the wind howls outside and rustic orange, red and yellow faded leaves dance across our window.

Sleepy kisses find their way into my cheek and I laugh fondly. Wrapping my two arms around the light of my life, I kiss her back, just as sleepy, just as loving.

Pulling back to hold her face in mine, I carve every freckle, every pimple, and every wrinkle into my brain because I wholeheartedly love this face. I love her heart, and brain, and humor. I'm addicted.

"See something you like?"

"Yes, yes I do." I hold her and I envelop her in my arms and I will never let this beauty go for as long as she'll have me.

I hope she can feel the love I feel for her as strongly as I do. I hope she knows that I will never again hide bits of myself away and I will never hurt her. I hope she knows.

"You're always so warm. I could stay in your arms forever."

"There's no place I'd rather be."

I love this woman.

12:30 pm rolls around on our day off and I have to admit that I had a bit of trouble getting to therapy for the first time in a while.

"My sweet sweet cherry pie."

"Bax, my love, I have to get ready."

"I know," She says but her arms were still tightly secured around my waist. I look back and she's giving me those pleading eyes and god, this woman will be the death of me.

"Okay, just 10 more minutes."

The look of joy washes away any reservations I have and honestly, I don't think my therapist will be that upset.

Then 12:49 pm rolls around and I am dressed and ready. Car keys in hand, and I just can't seem to make it past the entrance.

"One more." She says with a smile and puckered lips and yeah, okay, one more.

I peck her lips but she grabs my waist and holds me tight and I can feel her smiling. My hands instinctively go around her waist and I can feel myself smiling too and her mouth is warm and her embrace is warm and I love her. I love her so damn much.

"Yeah, I can't go to therapy today," I speak into the phone, feeling a little guilty. I haven't missed an appointment in so long, but as I look at Bax, happily picking out a movie and snuggled in about 5 blankets, I can't help but let those feelings go.

She deserves a day. We deserve a day.

The lady on the phone, who I've come to know as Barbra, who also enjoys the same cinnamon cookies as Bax, takes on a teasing tone.

"Someone holding you back today?" It's all light-hearted. I've come to love her teases and patience.

"I think she deserves some pampering today."

"You always say that."

"Because she always does."

"Okay, you two. Have fun. I'll let Masha know that you won't be here today, but I expect to see you on Monday." There's a small pause and then, "With cookies."

"Deal. I will see you on Monday, with cookies." I laugh and there's an ease and I feel so happy and free and it's wonderful.

"Is that Barbra? Tell her I said 'hi', Drew!" Too lovely. All mine, I remind myself as I look at her happy form, popping in a disk and munching on her cheese and crackers.

"Bax says 'hi'," I relay the message with a smile on my face, and there's a chuckle from Barbra.

"Of course. You two have fun now. Bye."

"Thank you, bye Barbra." I hang up the phone, feeling light. There's no guilt like when I first used to call out. There's no ache in my chest anymore. I don't feel stressed, anxious and angry nearly as much as I did a year ago.

The warm cinnamon and vanilla scent wafts around the kitchen as the cookies heat up in the oven. I can't take my eyes off her as she relaxes into her blanket cocoon, smiling at the TV as the movie begins. Titanic. She's such a sap, and I love it. She catches my glance and, flashes me one of her priceless smiles.

I can't believe I almost lost you.

As I take the cookies out of the oven and plop them on a plate, my heart cracks. As I walk toward the love of my life, my heart bursts. And when I sit down next to her, reveling in her life, in her warmth, and in her love, my heart bleeds.

"My sweet cherry pie."

"My cinnamon cookie,"

"God, I love you." The words are jumbled and hot against my lips. I smile.

"I love you more." 

Author's Note 🐳

Cinnamon cookies and cherry pie go best together? Don't you agree? Short and sweet fluff to make up for all the angst in the previous chapters! What do you think of their relationship? Stan or hate? Everyone's entitled to their own opinions! Share your thoughts :)