Sober

Chapter 9

I sent Aya to the hospital and fortunately, she still has a pulse. The doctors needed to intubate her for the following hours to help her breathe and after a day, she went back to normal. God knows how much I teared up when I saw my daughter laughing and smiling again. I am extremely thankful that Aya lived, otherwise, I might have taken my own life too.

Perhaps, it’s also my fault why that accident happened. I somehow tolerated her wrongdoings. I knew she was using illegal drugs. She couldn’t hide its effects from me and I was not dumb not to know. I got mad. I was really really frustrated and disappointed when I knew, but I loved her. I loved her enough to forgive her and give her another chance— a lot of chances because she promised me that she won’t do it again, that she’ll change. But she didn’t. She continued using it behind my back.

That night was the last time I saw Lea and the last memory I had with her. A memory I would rather forget. Since then, I promised myself to protect Aya at any and at all cost, and if that protection includes taking her away from her own mother, I would not hesitate to do that.

But she’s back now, and it terrifies me knowing that she came back. Natatakot ako para kay Aya at para sa sarili ko. Natatakot ako dahil baka maulit na naman ‘yung nangyari dati.
I did everything in my power to keep her away from Aya’s life but she’s an inevitable part of my daughter. Lea is Aya’s mother and I would be a hypocrite if I don’t admit to myself that she has a right to our daughter. At natatakot ako dahil baka gamitin niya ‘yung karapatan na ‘yun para kunin sa’kin si Aya.

Aya is my daughter too!

Lea’s voice echoed in my head. No, she won’t take my daughter away from me. I won’t let her take Aya from me. Naghalo-halo na marahil lahat ng emosyon ko sa katawan kaya nagawa kong ihagis ‘yung baso na hawak ko pati ‘yung mga bote ng alak na ininum ko kanina. Nagkalat ‘yung mga bubog sa buong sala pero wala na akong pake sa mga ‘yun.

“What the hell!?” rinig kong sigaw mula sa sala kaya napatayo ako para silipin kung sino ‘yun. There I saw Dawn and her jaw dropped while looking at the mess in the living room. She then looked at me with a deadly glare. “What were you doing? What happened?”

“Bakit ka nandito? Sinong kasama ni Aya sa hospital!?”

“Ikaw! Ikaw dapat ang kasama ng anak mo ngayon pero nandito ka at nagbabasag ng bote! Why are you ignoring our calls? Jane had to call me because you are apparently not answering your phone. Aya’s looking for you and she’s crying because she’s thinking that you are mad at her. Ano bang nangyayari?”

“Answer my question first, sinong kasama ni Aya ngayon!?” I asked once again.

“Si Jane, bakit ba?”

“Bumalik ba sina Sarah?”

“Hindi na. Walang bumalik sa inyo noong umalis kayo nang sabay sabay sa hospital kanina,” she answered while looking at me. She seemed to be confused. Hindi ko pa kasi nasasabi sa kanya kung anong nangyayari. “Can you tell me what’s happening? May problema ba?”

“She’s back”

“Who?”

“Lea... Lea’s back,” I harshly brushed my hair as I mentioned her name again. Nakita ko ang gulat sa mukha ni Dawn n’ung sinabi ko ‘yun. “And Aya knew about it even before any of us did. She already met Lea without us knowing”

“H-How?” she asked. “Aya knew she’s her mom?”

“No. Apparently, that bitch made some story and lied so she can be with Aya”

“And you are here... drinking?”

“What do you want me to do after seeing my addict ex-fiancée after how many years!? I’m upset... I’m upset with every thing that’s happening right now. Nagagalit ako kasi pakiramdam ko ang tanga tanga ko para hindi malaman na kilala na pala siya ng anak ko— na sa pangalawang pagkakataon parang ginago na naman ako ni Lea,” I burst all my emotions for I might go crazy if I keep them with myself. At least Dawn is someone who would understand me. “Natatakot ako kasi baka mawala sa’kin si Aya dahil nandito na ‘yung nanay niya.”