Sober

Chapter 31

If I could turn back the clock
I’d make sure the light defeated the dark
I’d spend every hour of every day
Keeping you safe

_____

Aga’s face has turned red because of the numerous and spontaneous slaps he received from Lea; but other than that, it was also because of the blood from her hand. It somehow got him worried because she’s clearly injured now and yet she’s not seemed bother about it. He also couldn’t understand himself. He could’ve already stopped her by holding her hands but he just stood there, defenseless, letting her slap him left and right. Even though it already hurts so much.

Perhaps, it’s because, deep down, he knows that he deserves it. He truly deserves it.

“You don’t deserve to be the father of my kids! And if there’s one thing I can agree with you on, it is that, I didn’t fucking deserve a man like you!”

He thought he’s felt enough pain through her slaps. He thought that would be the worst he’d get from her. Until she threw those words at him. They felt like thousands of sharp knives have just stabbed bluntly his heart that eventually tore it apart.

That woman who used to look at him with passion and intimacy, who used to smile at him as if her whole happiness depends on him; that woman who gave her heart and soul to him is the same woman who’s standing in front of him, crying, and expressing how much she loathes him.

There is nothing more painful to see than watch and hear the mother of his kid expressed how undeserving he is to be part of their lives.

“Daddy, leave!” if not for that shout, he would have not noticed Aya’s presence around. He looked at his daughter and she, too, is crying. “Utang na loob, umalis ka na po at patahimikin mo na kami! Hindi pa ba sapat sa’yo lahat ng pasakit ng binigay mo sa’kin?! Ngayon, si Mommy naman?!” she exclaimed at him.

Just as when he thought seeing Lea in that condition is already the worst, his daughter came in and expressed her own kind of anger towards him. It’s starting to feel like his heart is being crushed into microscopic pieces.

Lea’s cries and sobs were audible while he tried to keep his in silence. A couple of tears managed to fall from his eyes as he looked at her, “I-I’m—”

“Aga, please, leave now! Your presence will not make her calm down!” Ian said.

And he understood why he had to leave. With Lea’s terrible state, he has to leave now. He’s causing her so much distress and pain. So he started walking away from them, with tears in his eyes he immediately wiped off.

I’m sorry. Those were supposed to be the words had he completed them. But he bets, even a thousand sorrys would not make their situation any better. A thousand sorrys would be meaningless and worthless for he has already done so much damage on her.

Words do really cut deeper than knives. He wished he realized that sooner before he uttered those words he didn’t mean.

“Hon... honey, look at me,” Ian said as he turned his wife to make her face him. Her face has turned red as well and the veins in her forehead had become more evident. She’s awfully in a race with her breaths that got him so worried. He has never seen her this furious, stressed-out, tormented, and miserable all at the same time that he got afraid of how these might affect her health. “Hush, honey, it’s okay... calm down. You can calm down now. Follow me, take a deep breath.”

But Lea couldn’t. She tried but her chest just kept rising up and falling down everytime she sobbed. She wanted to stop because she herself felt like she’s already running out of oxygen, but she just couldn’t.