It's Not

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My name is Sam I Am, and I'm an idiot. And that's probably an understatement.

This whole entire time I never even considered that what I had felt for Guy was more than friendship. Looking back, I had no idea how I didn't see it.

I had a doll of the guy for god's sake. I'm pretty sure that isn't a normal thing for buddies to do. If I was being honest, I never really had a friend before Guy. I don't even know what normal buddies do.

And it wasn't from a lack of trying either. I remember constantly trying to meet new people, I'd go to diners and be there the second it opened, until the moment it closed.

I was so desperate for some sort of friendship. For validation. Just so someone could prove my worst fears wrong. That I wasn't unlovable, that I was worth it.

I didn't like to show or admit it, but it's always been in the back of my mind.

I used to try and come up with reasons about why my mom gave me up. Maybe she had me too young, she didn't have the money or resources to take care of me, usual stuff like that. But, every time I thought about it, the very first reason that popped in my mind was that she just didn't want me.

I used to imagine her just staring at little me, trying so hard to love me like a mother should, but she must've just found it impossible. I imagined I got on her nerves. I was too clingy, too noisy, too much.

She probably tried her best, until she just couldn't take it anymore. It was impossible to love something like me. I'm sure one day she simply just decided it would be better for her mental health to just get rid of me.

To just hope that someone else out there had the capability to care for someone as unlovable as I was. She knew that I was just not worth all the effort and hassle.

I would be lying if I said part of the reason I wanted to meet her was just so I could prove my fears wrong.

Anyways, I got a bit off topic there for a second. I still don't know how it took me so long to realize that I was in love with Guy.

Although, last night when he told me he loved me, well... It all just seemed to click. And then, without even thinking, I kissed him.

It was probably the best feeling in the world. Just thinking about it made me all giddy.

I softly cursed to myself as I realized that I had accidentally burned the ham a little around the edges.

Suddenly, I heard a yawn from behind me. I instantly recognized it as Guy.

"Morning sleepy head," I chirped.

"Morning," Guy grumbled.

I set the two plates on the table.

"I'm pretty sure we're docking tonight, then it's just one more train ride to East Flurbia," Guy spoke.

I shallowed my green eggs and ham before replying,"I can't wait for you to meet my mom- maybe she'll even come visit us in Glurfsbrug. She'll probably even make us green eggs and ham, hers is the best, I can't wait for you to try it."

I looked up from my plate and saw Guy had a huge smile on his face, my cheeks got hot.

"Me neither."

"Y'know, Sam, I have a question," he prompted.

"What is it?"

He took a deep breath,"Are we together-together? As in, boyfriends? Sorry if that's a stupid thing to ask, I was just wonde-"

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