The Binding

Chapter Eleven

"How long?"

He shook his head. "I don't know. A few months at least."

"No," I said, barely audible. "How long was he... how many did he..."

Leif bowed his head. His eyes bored holes in the tiles on the floor. "Ah, Kaja. That won't help."

"Dozens? Hundreds? Thousands?"

Leif shook his head slowly. "I can't tell you that. Even if anyone knew the answer, it wouldn't make any difference."

I bet the number made a difference to the people he killed, I thought sourly.

"He was... They called him Azrael."

Azrael? There was an entire chapter devoted to Azrael in the manuscript. The paradoxical angel. The angel of destruction. The embodiment of evil. The angel of justice. The angel who receives the prayers of the faithful in heaven and brings comfort to the bereaved. Above all, the Angel of Death.

Ezra was the Angel of Death.

"Tens of thousands," I answered my own question dryly.

The sound of regret and loss crept into Leif's voice. "I won't make excuses or try to make it disappear. It would just insult you, and you won't be able to understand anyway. Not yet."

"Not yet?" My eyes became slits. "You expect me to just forgive and forget one day?"

"Not forget. Understand." He paused for a moment to consider. "I expect one day you will understand better than anyone else in the world."

"How? They weren't soldiers. It wasn't a war. They were people, not cows lead to slaughter. Normal people, living normal lives. You didn't see their faces. You didn't hear them cry or smell their blood." I struggled to keep my voice from going shrill.

"No, I didn't see it. But I watched a lot of villages get slaughtered long before I met Ezra. The English were particularly skilled in that area. I once watched a soldier demonstrate the most efficient way to smash an infant's skull in while standing a foot away from me. I don't imagine it changed much over the millennia."

I closed my eyes and turned away from him. I thought about the squawking baby in my vision. Why kill infants? What purpose did it serve? It ran against every human instinct. I didn't understand it. I was glad I didn't understand it.

"You're going to live a very long time, Kaja." He stretched out his legs. "I don't understand your ability, but I'm sure it will only get stronger. You are going to see plenty of our lives. Everyone's life. Ezra's life and everyone you meet, including mine. And there is a lot from my past I'd rather you didn't see. There will be a great deal you will wish you didn't see. Some of it will horrify you. I wish there were a way to make it better for you, but you know there isn't."

Leif's version of a pep talk was debilitating. He wasn't pulling any punches or trying to paint the truth into a different color. He was brutally honest and direct; in a small way, I was grateful for that.

"How long have you known?"

"Many lifetimes."

"You were able to accept it?" The idea seemed preposterous.

"Life was different then. Ezra was different then. Everything was different. Violence and death was part of life, expected even. Entire villages were destroyed, and the people were slaughtered or sold into slavery. They prayed to the gods every day it wouldn't happen to them, but they weren't surprised when it did." He cocked his head to the side. "The world was different but not very different. Not at all."