The devil called depression

The devil

I'm Alex Ryder.
You probably don't know me as I am invisible.
No one notices me, or at least that's what the devil inside me tells me.
He calls himself depression. I have decided to tell you the story of how I met him from the end to the beginning.
I am surrounded by darkness right now for that is all I can see. On second thought, it'd be better if I started from the beginning.

I remember the first time i met him. It was when my dad left us. (As if he was there before anyway) I didn't know why deprission appeared to me  at that time. Maybe because mum was so angry, I couldn't ask her the questions I wanted to ask like why did he leave? Was it because of me? Or maybe he disappeared because I was lonely at that time. You must be asking where my friends are, right? Well people can actually be disappointing even if they don't mean to be, and I learned that the hard way. You don't believe me! Let me explain.

The second year in middle school, after dad left I went to school like it was a normal day. My eyes were red and puffy from crying continuously. I entered the building and went to the staircase where my friends were. As I came closer to them, I heard them laugh.
"What are you laughing about?", I asked.
"Didn't you hear? John Jenggi's father left him because he learned he was gay." Sam said as he giggled with the rest of my friends.
"I bet he told him that while he was wearing makeup." Avy said as she tried to catch her breath from laughing hard. At that moment, my heart started to beat faster and my eyes started to tear up. I tried to hold my tears as I decided that it was better not to tell them. The worst part was that I had to laugh and make fun of John to blend in and not let them suspect a thing. My face was laughing but my heart was bruised and hurt. That's when I first saw depression.
He was a little dark kid with eyes and mouth emitting light. He looked exactly like me and held my hands and whispered  in my ears "Everything is going to be okay." I don't know why I wasn't afraid of him or why nobody saw him except me. But I was lonely and he was the only one who understood me. Also you don't know how much I needed someone to tell me that everything was going to be ok. So as a  result, I gave in and that was my undoing.

Five years later

As I grew, depression grew with me. But instead of that kind little kid who was with me in my lonely days, he became my worst nightmare. He became a hole that sucked all my emotions, leaving me numb. But when he was feeling generous, he would let me feel sad. The worst part was that no one sees him except me, and no one believes me when I tell them he is here. I really tried to cry for help, (Guess I never will learn that people are really disappointing) but all they responded with was that I was a mood spoiler or that I was good at making something out of nothing. The most common conclusion they come up with was that I was seeking attention. Of course I want attention! That's why depression appeared to me at the first place, wasn't it?  Anyway, as a result of all their clever conclusions about my condition I decided to keep it to my self and wear my social mask every day. I just wore a big wide smile and told jokes when I could, in addition to using phrases like "I am ok, great actually! " when I was asked " How are you?" It was the most common question and the hardest question I could answer, because it's really suffocating to say those simple words when in reality I am not fine or great or honestly even ok. I still manage to tell those words because it seems easier than to be a burden to them. However, as the conversation ends and the act drops my face returns to its normal scowl as depression appears to me and sucks all my emotions leaving me numb again and again and again. I really don't want to be alone when he appears to me and at the same time i want to be alone.
Uh. I am so tired. Do you understand a thing? Still no? Then keep listening.

As usual, I returned from school and locked my self in my room. I was exhausted from wearing my social mask all-day, but the  thing that was unusual today was that I didn't see depression. I am also starting to feel....less empty. Could it be that he finally decided to leave me alone?