~* One More Time *~

Chapter 6: I Gave Up...

          "Gulf ...", Mew called again with a feeling of confusion and despair, "What actually happened?"

          Gulf leaned back against the bed railings while staring back at Mew. He wanted to tell him everything, but his throat was sore. His voice seemed to disappear. He did not have the strength to even open his mouth. He really wanted to say that his heart hurts. He did not want to leave Mew but could it possibly happen?

          Mew puts his hand on Gulf's forehead, trying to measure his body temperature when suddenly Gulf brushed Mew's hand aside. Mew looked at Gulf with a slightly surprised look. He could only cast a wry smile.

          "I'm fine. I am fine. I was just tired and wanted to rest ... ", Gulf stuttered.

          Mew nodded understand. "Just rest ..." Mew gently said, "There's still tomorrow ..."

          Mew took a deep breath then walked away. He felt hurt. Is Gulf mad at him?

          Gulf turned back to face the wall then tried to close his eyes. His eyes felt heavy, but his heart felt even heavier. His heartbeat very fast, his chest felt tight ...

          "I'm sorry, Mew ..." Gulf said softly, "Don't be so kind to me. I am afraid that I will love you beyond my limits ... "

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          Mew sat next to Gulf's body which was still lying lifeless in a hospital bed. This place was like Mew's second home. He will always be there when he has free time, or at times like this, when he needs someone to talk to.

          Mew looked at Gulf's face who seemed to be sleeping peacefully. His hands touched Gulf sculpted face, from the forehead to the chin, following the curve of his eyes, nose, and lips before he finally leaned his head on his cheek. He closed his eyes, tears flowed from the corner of his eyes. After all this time his heart struggled to admit that he really loves Gulf, today's events made him regret it. Was his decision right? Does Gulf have the same feelings as Mew? Mew's memory returned to the incident when Gulf spontaneously brushed off his hands after going through the long night. Was Gulf angry with Mew because he kept the truth about his father that he had been looking for? Or perhaps ... Gulf wanted to show that he does not have the same feeling as Mew? Then what if it's because of this that Gulf is getting away from Mew? What should Mew do?

          Mew's brain seemed to be hit by a storm. He began to regret his decision. He raised his head then looked towards Gulf's face deeply ...

          "You know ... when I first knew him ... I didn't think there would come this day. He was so stubborn and annoying, but slowly able to fill my empty heart. I guess all this time I've been happy, I have everything. Apparently not. He made me realize how empty I have been, Fern "

          Mew's eyes glazed over. Tears began to seep out of her eyelids. He laughed as he wiped the tears that began to flow down his cheeks.

          "Honestly, his cooking was a disaster! It as awful and made me puke all night! So very different from you, Fern. But why I felt happy when I was eating them? Especially when I saw his face groaning when he tried his own cooking. Very funny! I wanted to laugh at him. He was just that stupid, innocent but lovely... "

          He tried to take a deep breath. His heart felt tight. Tears kept flowing down his cheeks. He was frustrated. His brain seemed to be damaged, making him unable to think properly.

          "Fern ... I'm sorry ...", he continued, stuttering, "I could not lie to myself anymore. I love Gulf. I really wanted to hug him, kiss him, and tell him that I love him. I don't want to lose him. But I was so afraid that I always made the wrong decision. I was afraid that he doesn't have the same feeling as me. I was afraid he will stay away from me. What should I do, Fern? "