Taken By The Bad Boy

30 Where Am I?

"Why can't you see that I love you?"

"You're everything to me."

"I love you, Princess."

"Liam! Oh Liam! I miss you so much!" I cry out to no one in particular as I sob until there's no tears left. I haven't let my emotions slip away like this in a long time. Maybe because I've done such a good job at building a wall up and keeping myself guarded. But being here in Ethan's arms on the anniversary of his death, kills me more than it usually does.

"Shhh, Raleigh. It's going to be okay, I promise." Ethan tells me, hugging me tightly. As if his arms made me feel safer than Liam's. As if his voice calmed me like Liam's once did.

       "I miss him, Ethan. So fucking much." I tell him and Ethan sighs.

      "I know, we all do. But he's still in your heart. He's still here. Just not physically. He's still protecting you; from up above."

        "I told him th-that I didn't love him."

      "You just needed time to work things out and you have. You did what you thought was right. He knew that, he left so he knew it was right too. You both knew that you rushed into your fling way too fast and didn't think so you both needed space. That's nothing to get upset over."

      "But that costed his life! HE IS DEAD ETHAN! AND HE IS NEVER COMING BACK!" I yell at him as I get up and run out of the gym.

      "Raleigh! Come back!" Ethan calls to me, but I don't. I just keep running and running; Liam's voice echoing in my head as I do.

      "It's you, you know that right? It's always been you. And it will always be you."

      Is it still me, Liam? Even in death, is it still me? Do you still want me like you did before? I sit on a stump and look up to the sky with tears slipping.

      "Is it still me? Forever and always?" I whisper. I hear a branch break and whip my tears away and take out my gun but I relax once a bunny hops in front of me.

      "Get it together." I mutter to myself, sighing and walking back to the house. We know live in what I call, the "gang town". It's where the leaders house is in the middle and there's different houses around it with some stores, a restaurant, quite a few bars, multiple gyms and of course multiple shooting ranges and "the gang house". Which is where all the business takes place. I'm not allowed in that building... AT ALL. Which is completely stupid, if you ask me.

"Why aren't you at your workout?" My mom asks me as I walk into the house. She's in an apron and cooking dinner in the beautiful gray kitchen with white and a bit of black.

      "Because Ethan made me talk about my feelings and I ended up sobbing my eyes out, which caused me to take a walk in the woods and cry some more." I admit, going to the fridge getting an orange. I sigh and lean against the counter next her. She stops what she's doing and looks at me with concern, as if I'm going to shatter in front of her.

      "Baby, it's okay to talk about your feelings while crying." My mom tells me and I shake my head.

      "That's not my problem, mom. My problem is how to deal with it. How am I going to keep this up for the rest of my life? This pain? This heartache? Momma, I don't think I can do it. I've tried so hard to keep the walls up and keep people out, I'm sorry I did that but I didn't know how else to deal with it. Yeah, Liam and rushed into it; yeah it wasn't real love but finding out that...that he d-died broke everything that wasn't already shattered. Momma, I spent so long trying to stay strong so I didn't break, but the thing is...I was broken so long ago." I admit and I break down crying. My mom doesn't waste anytime wrapping me in her arms and trying to calm me down.