Just Hold Me [ merlin x arthur ]

4 - restless nights

Arthur's eyes trailed to the sudden hand on his arm but he didn't move to remove it yet seeing as it did feel oddly calming .

" yes , and I know it is ill mannered of me to come at such late hours and ask for answers you haven't got . "

He let silence take them for a moment again before he spoke once more though his body remained facing Merlin.

"Merlin . i suppose if there is one thing I hope you take from this is that , I am glad you were true to your word . had i been alone well . we'll never have to know . i should let you go.. let you get some rest i do believe I heard the faintest chirp of a bird signalling the late evening hours will begin to turn for morning soon — "

" no need to apologise arthur ,, ill always be here - and i dont plan on going anywhere anytime soon - i know what its like to be in your shoes . . " he admits , slowly releasing his grip ,, setting his hands to his lap . nodding slightly " you dont have to go . . as i dont plan on sleeping but - i spouse you should yourself ,, not like i can tell your stubborn ass what to do , though - "

"yes well , i don't plan on letting you go anywhere for a very long time . . you've felt this before ? " he frowned a little at the thought and gave a scoff , shaking his head . " no , you can't tell me what to do , never have been able to . I don't plan on sleeping myself . "

With that the king shifted so he was a least somewhat comfortable on Merlins bed , his hands resting against his knees .

" so tell me Merlin , why can't you sleep ? "

" im sure we all have — not . . knowing what to do with yourself and you just . . feel ,, lost - "

his shoulders shrug slightly . at this point a smile happened to crawl onto his lips , because he didn't feel — like someones manservant , and he didn't feel like he was higher than him in - anything — he just ,, felt like a friend , sure - they were already,, but it was different - and sometimes you needed moments like these -

" . . constant things on my mind , really . . " he admits " . . nightmares to - flashbacks . . from that - day - and theres just - countless trigger in my mind thinking that - when i . . i wake up again you wont be here - that none of this is - real - "

" suppose so , its just never been a good thing should I feel that way . " he chuckled shortly at that and focused his attention to Merlin with a small frown .

" I can understand the feeling of it not being real . i catch myself feeling that from time to time . but , rest assure . " at this the blonde leaned forward slightly just enough so he could find purchase on Merlins arm . his fingers holding the other mans arm with a surprising amount of delicacy

" this is real. im here Merlin and . . "

the king trailed off as if there were something else he wanted to say , blue eyes trailing over Merlins features for a moment before he cleared his throat and spoke of something else .

" and that day is one that we will never forget . we can only keep going and adapt . " If he were honest those words were partly for him as well , telling himself to just get over it .

merlins own gaze fell to his as he spoke , never really leaving it ,, his raven brows coming together slightly , as it shifted to his hand && back up as he continues ,, a tilt slowly falling to his head as he seemed to have trailed off .

real. concrete, facing the gruff visage of the man who he loved of and cared for more than he could believe himself . he knew he was it was just one of those things that was hard to . yet he's talking to him now , even with the distance between ; he could feel it , his presence falling heavy on his senses .

" i know its just - its hard - " it was , it always had been . the moment the statement permeates the air ; colours the atmosphere thick with a feeling he hasn't in a long time .

" i ,, missed you , you know - "

here in the dark without the whispers of traveling people , when their whole surroundings seemed to sleep it was hard to ignore the things Arthur had been trying to ignore since he came back .

his hand lingering still on Merlins arm despite the fact Arthur knew he should take it away now .

Merlin's words had him in silence for a moment . He could tell him everything all and truthful , could tell him that he was the one Arthur called for the moment he woke up , was the one Arthur got up for despite having trouble feeling his legs . he could remind Merlin of that day when he begged Merlin to hold him in his last moments .. that his thank you meant so much he was sure Merlin hadn't even known.. or he could keep much to himself , play it off with a rough pat to his shoulder that's what he did at a time like this wasn't it ?

except here in late hours was no time for roughness , it was a moment of honesty of gentle touch - and so with his thoughts strung out Arthur gave a small side smile and a huffed laugh .

" I . . missed you too Merlin . its a funny thing really, I have no memory of when I was gone yet I woke and my chest felt heavy when I called for you- almost like I knew . "

slowly merlin sets a hand atop of his && his own lips somewhat tug upward as he smiles back , thinking for a minute .

" . . they say that our history was already written - that - you know - we were born to meet each other - as i said - for me to serve you ,, and as cheesy as it sounds - sure i dont know who or what - wanted us to - and for myself , everyone told me to let you go - to move on but - i just - i always had this - urge knowing that you would sooner than we thought - i — i dont know - " a small sigh escapes his lip , if anything was trailing off at this point , gaze falling to his lap .

/ IM GONNA END THIS HERE BUT MORE SHALL COME I LOVE YALL HOPE YOU ENJOYED