Kalopsia [chaelisa]✔

I Want To Die~39 [unedited]

He pushed her onto her bed and roughly pulled her sleep shorts from her body, leaving her exposed to him.

Sure, she had been sexually harassed multiple times by men, inappropriately touched since she was a child, but she took pride in the fact that she had been able to keep herself a virgin. Now the last untouched part of herself was going to be taken away from her.

It felt as if she was being pulled down in sea, deeper and deeper, the light from the sun slowly fading away as she got further away from the surface.

She felt hopeless.

***

"Mommy why? Why?" Jennie cried into her mothers arms.

After the man was finished with her he left her onto her bed and gave the cash to her mother. Jennie, still half naked stumbled to her mothers room and practically jumped in her mothers arms. The woman weirdly didn't kick her or hit her, or yell at her, but she wrapped her arms around the girl and hushed her.

"Why did you do this to me?!" She sobbed out and clung tighter to the woman. She was tired, sore. In between her legs was throbbing and a mess. Cum mixed with blood was slowly dripping out of her onto her mothers leg, but again, the woman didn't seem to mind.

"I had to. I needed the money. You were away for over a month. It was difficult for me to pay the bills. You had to pay. He offered good money for you. Why wouldn't I accept that?" She explained.

Jennie was disgusted by her mother, she hated the woman with everything that she had, but she only clung on tighter and let out her heart wrenching cries.

"You bitch! You fucking... bitch... I hate you! I- I fucking... You hurt me so much. Why? What did I do to you?" She sobbed and weakly hit her mothers side with her fists.

"I want to die... I can't do this... Why mommy?"

"It's over already. Let it go. It will become easier every time. Believe me"

The girl shook her head and sniffled. "What... what do you mean every time?"

Her mother sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "We need money Jennie. I am tired of being the only one bringing money in this house. You got to pay too. You are almost eighteen. An adult. You need to start earning money to stay here."

The girls head started to spin and she had to squeeze her eyes shut for a second. Was she hearing everything correct?

She felt anger rise up in her and pushed herself away from her mother. Ignoring the pain with every movement, she stood up and angrily wiped her tears away.

"What do you mean you only bring money in this house? Who pays the bills? Me! Who buys fucking food so we have something to eat? Me! Who the fuck cleans this shit hole up as often as possible while you are passed out and drunk?! Or fucking one of your man whores?! Me! I do all that shit mom! I can give you money, but I won't do this again! I won't sleep with people for money! I won't fucking become like you! I refuse to!" She practically screamed while pointing her finger in her mother's face.

The woman opened her mouth to say something but closed it again. She knew that her daughter was right. Having to be in this house alone for the past month had been torturous. She had to figure out how to pay some bills so she had warm water and electricity. She had to buy her own liqueur , had to clean up by herself. Not that she cleaned often, she had only done it one time.

She didn't like the fact that she had to adult when her daughter was away, and she was planning on making the girl pay for that. She had done enough adulting in her own childhood and teen years.

Jennie's got up and pushed her daughter to the side to rush downstairs. She swung open the fridge and pulled a bottle of cola out. She dumped some in a cup before pouring as much as she could of a bottle of alcohol in it and practically gulped it down.

Her throat burned terribly and tears sprung in her eyes.

She just wanted to die. She hated the monster that she became. She hated the way she turned out. She hated how she made herself into a cheap pimp. But what else could she do.

She got to be drunk, high, and make money at the same time.

She quickly made another drink in hope that all the alcohol in her system would kick in soon. She had been sober for too long.

She liked to tell herself that she hated her daughter to the guts. Her mental and physical abuse showed that. They were ways to convince herself that she despised the teen that made her life a living hell.

But she secretly still cared for her. Even if that part was almost non existing.

She had refrained from drinking alcohol or smoking weed a few hours before she had invited the man over that would take her daughters virginity. She wanted to make sure that Jennie was okay. That she was safe.

Twisted, she knew, but she couldn't have anything else happening to her daughter.

She knew that she was never there for her daughter, but she wanted to be there for her just this once. She knew that Jennie would needed someone to comfort her. She was probably traumatized, shaken up, confused. Her soul had probably been broken and she wanted to hold the girl until she came back to her senses.

She wanted to be there for Jennie like she wished someone had been there for her. But no one had been. She knew that no one deserved to go through that.

She had turned out exactly like her own mother, and she hated it.

She became the woman that she promised herself as a child that she wouldn't become.

She treated her daughter like she herself had been treated by her own mother.

But how else were you supposed to treat a child that makes you remember about that night that you got raped?

No one knew that though. Not even Jennie. And no one else would ever know.

She stumbled to the couch and let herself fall down onto it.

Life while being sober was exhausting to her.

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I am so so so sorry for this babies :( We were in a happy faze for a while and yah now this

I am deeply sorry I felt bad writing this. Next chapter will probably be intense too so hold your heart tight (hou je hart vast) idk if it also works in english but prepare yourself

Love you guys💕💕

Also, I hope that Jennie her mother is sort of understood