lord help me
sorry for the lack of updates
***
fire spirit: [unbuttoning shirt] damn it's so hot in here
wind archer: ... i know but why are you unbuttoning my shirt
millennial tree: good morning.
sea fairy: good morning.
wind archer: good morning.
moonlight: y'all sound like robots. "good morning" this, "good morning" that! spice things up a bit!
fire spirit, kicking the door down: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS
mala: hey! is anyone else here d-
dark choco: depressed?
yam: demented?
milk: drained?
dino: dead?
mala: ...done. with the work. what is wrong with ya guys?
dj: 1 universe, 9 planets, 7 seas, 7 continents, 809 islands, 204 countries, and i had the unfortunate luck of meeting you.
rockstar: actually there's only 8 planets
dj: VIVA LA PLUTO FUCK YOU
gumball: what kind of fish is made out of only 2 sodium atoms
gumball: 2 na
lemon: i actually want to cry
wind: (before knowing who herb was) i don't think that barista over there likes me...
moonlight: how so?
wind: he got my name wrong three times in a row
wind, showing moon his cup: see?
the cup: have a nice day!
they turn to herb, who smiles and waves hi
moonlight: that's outrageous. you should go confront him.
wind: you think?
moonlight: tell him he owes you a dinner :)
gumball: i have a plan!
lemon: does your plan involve us not getting killed?
gumball: hey i said i had a plan, not a miracle
pink choco: neck, back-
dj, jumping in: ANXIETY ATTACK
lemon: i hate it when people ask me if i'm a morning or a night person.
lemon: bitch, i'm barley a person.
moonlight: you were awfully quiet today
dark enchantress: darling, nobody plans a murder out loud
moonlight:
peppermint: have you ever done any extreme sports?
gumball: yes, finishing my homework as my teacher was collecting them
orange: if your house was on fire, then what would you take?
lime: obviously, the money! i need that
grapefruit: take the fire out, duh
lemon: a nap
pink choco: dj,,, let's talk about this
dj: or we could be irrationally angry at each other instead
orange: how would you like your coffee?
lemon: as dark and bitter as my soul.
orange: one glass of milk, coming right up!
lemon:
plum: peach! take this seriously! what will you do if your enemy rips you into shreds?
peach: [playing with grass] die, probably
in a group chat of music cookies
dj: DKSKJDKAND HAHAHAHAH
mint choco: what was that?
carol: oh that's called a keyboard smash
mint choco: how do i make one?
rockstar: press any key on the keyboard, i guess
mint choco: 7
fire spirit: son why are you eyes red
devil: im smoking weed
fire spirit: don't lie to me, angel called you cute didnt they
squid ink: got you... coffee...
salt: aw squid, you didn't have to
squid: didn't... have to?
squid, breaking down: can't... do anything... right!
salt:
squid: WAAAAAAAAAA
kiwi: ever just see something so amazing that it changes your world view
red bean: yeah... i saw you :)
kiwi: honestly that's so gay and sweet at the same time and now i feel bad because i was talking about a picture of roll cake's face photoshopped onto the despacito spider
gumball: ah yes the trojan horse, or as i like to call it
gumball: the murderous piñata
orange: today, i watched lemon cry for 5 or 6 minutes and an alarm went off on his phone... then he stopped crying and went back to work like nothing happened
lemon: it's called time management, orange
chili: any last words?
lemon: please no, i have so much to live for
chili, putting down her knife: damn, really?
lemon: lmao no hurry up
rockstar: when we get to the restaurant, you are twelve
roll cake: I AM NINETEE- [gets slapped]
waiter: would you like the kid's menu
roll cake, crying: yes please
gumball: remember when you dared me to lick the swing set?
lemon: no, i said "gumball don't like the swing set" and you said "don't tell me what to do" and licked the swing set
oc one don't kill me
kidnapper: we have your girlfriend.
black licorice: i don't have a girlfriend?
kidnapper: oh really? then who was the one who baked is a three-tier cake?
black licorice: oh my god you have tiramisu
that's it for today folks
YOU ARE READING
cookie run shitpost oneshots/headcanons
Fanfictionno more updates! thanks for reading gang kiwi has finally reached the breaking point and died making this book of bullshit cookie run didn't deserve this (suggestive mentions but no direct nsfw so its fine- also there's swearing) (this is a SHITPOST...
