Better Left Unsaid

14

It was the first day of Christmas break. Forty- two days since I had talked to Ben...

...and it was tearing me apart.

At this point, I wanted him back no matter what. I didn't care in what capacity, I just needed this silence to be over. Even if he never wanted to be close friends again, I just needed us to talk once more.

I needed him to tell me that it was ok. That I was going to be ok. Ben has always been my comforter. The one person I could go to in any trouble.

"East, you look like shit." My dad said as soon as I walked into the living room, and even though my mom shushed him, he still looked like he meant exactly what he said. He hadn't said it in a mean way, it was just the truth. I did look like shit.

"It's probably because of all the time you spend indoors. Why don't you go for a walk or something?"

I looked outside, at the gentle swirls of snow. Then I looked at the electric fireplace and the couch. I shook my head, sitting down on the couch near the fire, and pulling my legs up underneath me.

But my dad wouldn't give up, and kept hinting at my need for fresh air. Everything new subject I brought up somehow made its way back to being about the outdoors. Finally I gave up. If this was how my winter break was going to be, I might as well spend it outside.

It took a few minutes to get bundled up, and I could tell my mom was barely holding herself back from fussing over me. She didn't trust cold weather, always fearing the worst about anyone's health who went out in it. My dad, however, smiled pleasantly at me, and I didn't quite feel as bad about going outside.

That is, until I shut the door behind me, and felt the full force of the weather outside. I almost turned back right then and there, but I'd have to face my dads disapproval, and my pride wasn't up for that. And there was something else too...something was telling me I needed to go on this walk. Maybe it was my mind begging to be cleared by the sharp winter air.

Or maybe it was fate calling to me. Whatever it was, I let it's voice control my. Shoving my hands in my pockets, I set off down the street.