halo • multiship oneshots

get a load of this monster | papidega

Summary: Even if they've done it several times, Papi can't help but feel guilty. References to BDSM.

A/N: Yes, the title is a poorly hidden Cavetown reference. I'm not experienced in BDSM, aftercare, or anything sexual at all, so if I mess something up, please tell me. Enjoy.

-

Dega panted as he laid on the bed, naked. Adrenaline was still coursing through his veins, and his heart raced. The restraints around his wrists felt tight and itchy, and, fortunately, the blindfold felt loose. His skin was riddled with bitemarks, abrasions, and faint bruises, all applied by his husband, Papi.

Papi was standing in front of the bed. He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on Dega's forehead. He glanced down at Dega's delicate skin. Jesus Christ. Papi's breathing was shaky and shallow, as he was still unable to process how he could do something like this.

Papi began removing Dega's restraints and checking his wrists for abrasions.

"I didn't know you had that in you," Dega said meekly as he rubbed his wrists. The reddened skin stung. He knew he would be sore for days. He could feel it in the way his muscles ached and screamed in exhaustion.

"I'm terribly sorry, darling," Papi whispered. "I didn't mean to-"

"Papi, it's fine. If it wasn't, I would've used the safe word. Now, please, remove the blindfold."

Papi frowned and glanced to his left. He then turned off the lamp on the bedside table before carefully removing Dega's blindfold. He didn't want to overwhelm Dega with too much light, as he had in the past.

Dega opened his eyes and looked at Papi. His eyes scanned Papi's body. He still couldn't believe he was his. How in the world did I get to marry someone like him?

Papi began to gently clean Dega's abrasions before adding antibiotic ointment and bandages to them. He gently kissed the wounds on Dega's wrists. Why do I enjoy hurting him like this? Normal people don't enjoy inflicting pain during sex, do they?

"Any special requests?" Papi asked, pushing his thoughts aside. Despite having experience with him, he never knew exactly what Dega wanted.

"A shoulder rub would be excellent," Dega replied. His back muscles strained while he was tied up against the bed's headboard. He knew he needed a good massage.

Papi nodded as Dega scooted forward. He took his place behind Dega and began to gently rub his upper back in pressurized circles. He gradually moved his hands to Dega's shoulders, applying more pressure whenever he deemed necessary, or Dega asked. He placed light kisses Dega's neck and back.

I love him so much.

So why do you hurt him?

Papi took a deep breath to try to silence the anxiety that was intruding the back of his mind. He bit his lip and tried to focus on the task at hand.

Dega noticed Papi's touch become lighter. He glanced back and saw Papi's worried expression in the dim light. "What's wrong, Love?" he asked, turning his head to look back at Papi.

"Nothing," Papi replied too quickly. He went back to his original task - rubbing Dega's shoulders and back - despite the awkward tension that filled the room. Please just ignore it, Dega, please.

"It certainly doesn't look like nothing," Dega replied. He turned his body around so he was facing Papi. My pain can wait. Something is obviously wrong. He cupped Papi's face and looked into his eyes. "You can tell me anything; I promise."

Papi looked away from Dega and kept a neutral expression. Dammit, why couldn't I hide it better? "Louis, it's nothing." He forced a slight smile.

Dega continued to see right through him. "Tell me," he said in a firm voice. He held his breath, not knowing what Papi would do with to him for his sudden firmness and security.

Papi sighed. He shook Dega's hands off of him. I'll have to tell him eventually. He knew honesty was very important in a relationship. His eyes scanned Dega's lithe body. Every wound seemed to jump out at him. He rubbed his thumb across a few scratches on Dega's thigh.

"I... I feel... Guilty, about what I do."

Dega cocked his head to the side and raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Look at you," Papi replied, gesturing to the minor injuries riddling Dega's body. "I keep asking myself why someone would enjoy inflicting pain on the one they love the most..." He looked down. I do not enjoy spilling my guts like this.

Dega's wonder faded into concern. I'm glad he trusted me with this. He had a feeling he knew what Papi was going through - and it didn't feel good. He went through similar feelings the first few times he and Papi experimented with sadomasochism. After sessions of tender aftercare and open, honest conversations, his guilt and confusion faded away. He hoped that's what Papi needed now.

"Henri, you can't really control what turns you on," he assured Papi. "I don't mind the pain or wounds or words at all. I know you don't mean any of it. If it bothers you too much, we don't have to do it." At the end of the day, I know the true Papi. He loves me, and would never hurt me - intentionally - for the world.

Dega placed a gentle kiss on Papi's head. He subconsciously placed his hands over Papi's. You always comfort me. Time for me to comfort you.

"I love you, Papi."

Papi finally looked up at him. He felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. It was easier to breath. He understands? He knew he wasn't good at talking about his feelings. He was grateful he was able to get his point across, and he could trust Dega enough to be open and honest around him.

"I love you, too, Louis," Papi whispered before leaning forward and kissing Dega tenderly. My beautiful man.

Dega moved and rested against Papi's chest. "Is there anything else you need to talk about? I'm here for you."

"No," Papi replied, suppressing a yawn. "Do you need to say anything?"

"I had a great time tonight," Dega replied with a shy smile.

Papi smiled genuinely and kissed Dega's cheek. He then laid back on the bed. Dega joined him and cuddled up against his chest. Papi wrapped his arms around Dega's small frame. He then kissed the top of Dega's head before pulling a blanket over the both of them.

Dega lightly ran his fingers over Papi's bare chest. He felt his eyelids becoming heavy and his muscles relaxing. "I love you," he whispered faintly against Papi's skin. I hope you know I meant what I said.

"You're so beautiful," Papi whispered, running his fingers through Dega's hair, "and always do very well, just like the good boy you are."

Dega's cheeks heated up as his eyes slowly closed. He smiled and nuzzled Papi's chest in gratitude. He kept his face hidden in Papi's chest.

"Falling asleep?" Papi asked and received a small nod in reply. He smiled and ran a hand down Dega's back. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Dega replied, even though it was muffled by Papi's chest.

Papi continued to look down at him with a small smile as he drifted off to sleep. Not in a creepy way, but a protective way. His eyes were full of love. He was extremely grateful to have a partner as understanding as Dega. He feared if he was with anyone else, they would make him feel even worse about his guilt. Especially since he puts on such a tough, emotionless persona. He knew he still wanted to participate in their sexual activity, but he needed a long break.

Soon, Papi felt his eyelids becoming heavy, just as Dega did moments prior. He let his body relax and eyes fall shut. Within minutes, he drifted off to sleep. He continued to hold Dega protectively, and Dega remained cuddled up against his chest. The only sounds that could be heard was their soft breathing and the faint sound of dogs barking and the occasional, lazy late-night driver. It was pure peace.