Forever Ruined

Chapter Thirty-Eight

"By the fine boy, we are treating we know you are not infertile. You are able to conceive so where do you believe the problem lies?"

"Sturgis is not mine," Clara found this ruse that Lord Fitton had her playing a detriment to facts she wished to give.

"He is my son from a previous marriage. Sadly, my first wife has passed. I remarried Clara because I thought my son should have the influences of a woman in the home."

"You are trying but with no success?" the Master prodded to get a better picture of the problem at hand.

"I have conceived several times but I can not seem to carry a child to term."

"Any stillbirths?"

"One," Clara said and as her glance fell upon Lord Fitton she could see the pity in his eyes. He reached out and took her hand and she tried to give him a reassuring smile.

"You carry with you then the burden of a great loss. There are many factors that can affect conception, both male and female, that can cause such issues," he said looking over to include Lord Fitton.

"We will, of course, examine you, but your course of treatment will depend greatly on your diet."

"My diet?" Clara could not imagine it could matter so greatly what she ate.

"Diet plays a vital role and will need strict adherence if you are to increase your Ojas."

"Ojas?"

"Yes, Ojas is responsible for your overall health, energy, and liveliness, you will partake in foods that will increase your Ojas, this is important to regulate your body to enhance the body's ability to conceive. Such foods can purify the body.

Then once the body is fortified. We can get into the treatments. It would be best if you are both treated, as we do not know with whom the imbalance lies. Lord Fitton readily agreed which surprised Clara. Perhaps it was his curiosity as a doctor that made him wish to explore.

We will discuss the treatment once your body has been put back into balance. Most often infertility does not stand-alone. Sometimes it is the result of some other disease, we will treat those with herbs to be certain there are no underlying causes.

"Thank you," Clara said although not entirely sure she understood all that was said.

"I will always be available to answer any questions you may have."

"When will we start?" Lord Fitton asked.

"As soon as you wish," the Master said.

Clara smiled at Lord Fitton and he smiled back. "We are at your complete disposal."

"Very good then. If you'll both, follow me."

_________________________________________

"Do you ever sleep?" McCullen asked looking upon his friend with worry. Benjamin wandered over to him, looking at him with long slow blinks.

"I cannot, not when I know we get closer by the day, by the hour, by the minute. I feel tortured by time."

"All the more reason to rest. It goes by even faster that way and you will be lucid when you meet your lady love once more."

Benjamin pulled a well-worn envelope from his pocket. "What do you have there?"

Benjamin looked up at McCullen. "A letter, from Clara. She wrote it to me the day she left on this insane journey of hers."

McCullen appeared surprised by this. "And you haven't opened it? What if she was telling you goodbye? What if she says she's willing to travel to the ends of the earth to get away from you? Which is pretty much what she has done."

Benjamin frowned at the paper. "I'm a coward. I fear that may be the very reason she has written to me and I do not think I could bear it. If she has anything to say she can say to me, in person."

"When you were part of the Dragoons would you lead your men into battle without a strategy?"

Benjamin wondered where McCullen was going with this line of questioning. "Of course not, it would be the quickest way to get us killed."

McCullen deftly steered the ship around something Benjamin couldn't see. McCullen's eyes so adapted to the night, he did so easily. He taps the paper in Benjamin's hand. "There is always a risk in any battle Benji be it on foreign lands or your own homestead. But the intel you need to prepare for it would seem is right here in your hand."

Benjamin sighed. He knew his friend was right. "I'll be down below should you need me," he offered. McCullen just nodded and watched his friend disappear below deck.

Benjamin got to his bunk and laid upon it, holding the letter up overhead, staring at it in the dim-lit room. "Clara, my dove, I fear what you dared to tell me. I wish to see you face to face. I know I could convince you to come home with me if only I could see you. Why would you leave me, Clara? I know I have not been the best husband, that my work for the Crown takes me away from you often but you know I always return. Don't you know you never have a need to doubt my love? Don't you?"

There was no answer to his question in the empty room in which he resides. He knew McCullen was right. If he wished to get answers he needed to open the damn letter. He sat up in his bunk. He made his decision and tore the envelope.

An object fell out onto his lap and he picked up a braided ring of her hair. "Oh, Clara!"

He missed her so much a deep physical ache filled his chest, a hole, a void that only she could fill. He placed the ring around his finger and unfolded the pages of the letter.