Welcome To Litchfield

Chapter 2

Sleep didn't come easy that night. It was the first night I'd ever truly been alone. Maybe not physically but emotionally. Yes, I had lived alone for the past few years but I always had someone nearby, someone I could call if I needed to. A neighbour I could ask for help. But now? Now I had no one. I didn't know anyone here. I had no friends and so far the people I had met were not friendly in the slightest. Morello was the only exception but I hadn't seen her since I first arrived. I was completely alone in this.

The next few nights were the same, restless sleep and dirty looks from other inmates I didn't know. I tried my best to do as Morello had said and stay out of their way but it was hard to with so little space. I was relieved to be told on the fourth day that I was finally being moved to a bunk. I would still have a bunk mate but at least we would have more room.

As I walked through the hallways towards the bunks, I began to grow nervous. I hoped my bunk mate would be nice. I didn't want to be stuck with someone who would give me a hard time. I really didn't want to go to maximum security. This place was bad enough.

We arrived at my new bunk, one side occupied by someone with a mane of coppery blonde curly hair reading a book. Honestly? She was beautiful. Like no other I'd ever seen before. She was intoxicating, mesmerising even.

The C.O. standing with me cleared his throat. "Nichols. This is your new bunk mate, Isobelle Carter." With that he left.

I once again began to grow nervous. I had no idea who this person was, what she was like. Would she like me? Would she hate me? Would she make my life a living nightmare? Surely no one as beautiful as her could cause me harm. Right?

As she set her book down, I sternly told myself to get a grip. I couldn't be acting this way in front of her. And knowing my luck she was probably straight. I had terrible luck, always falling for straight women. When she looked up at me, I almost lost all my self control. Her eyes, I decided, were the most beautiful things I had ever seen. I could stare into them for days. They were dark pools of brown, begging me to get lost in them.

Get a grip, dammit. I thought. You can't act like this in front of people.

"Hi, I'm Carter." I squeaked out.

Her face broke out into a crooked grin. "I'm Nicky. Don't look so nervous. I don't bite." She laughed and winked, "Well, not unless you want me to."

My eyes widened. Was she flirting with me? Was this beautiful woman who I could barely speak around flirting with me?

She took a step closer to me. "Hey, I'm only kidding. I mean unless you really do want that but no pressure. You don't even look like you play for the same team anyway." She sighed. "That's my fault though, really. Always falling for straight girls."

I opened my mouth before I could stop myself. "Actually, I'm a lesbian." I blushed, realising I'd just told her something very few people knew about me. I had told my parents but they hadn't reacted well. They had told me to leave and not come back until I had come to my senses. That was seven years ago, when I was 15. I hadn't seen them since.

She smiled again, winking. "Well, I guess it's my lucky day."

"Please, I'm not that easy." I rolled my eyes and turned around, putting my meager belongings away. Yes, she was attractive. Really attractive. But like I said, I'm not that easy.

She came up from behind me and whispered in my ear, "Well, if you change your mind you know where I am."

I shivered as her breath hit the back of my neck, leaving the hairs standing on edge.

That night I had trouble sleeping again. This time, not out of fear of being shanked to death, but the fact that this would be my home for the next 11 years. 11 years was a long time. I would be 33 by then. The weight of that hit me and I couldn't breathe. The walls were closing in on me, leaving no air for me to breathe. I felt like I was being suffocated. An old feeling I didn't like began to creep over me. A feeling of worthlessness. I didn't want to live anymore, I wanted to make all the pain go away.

I desperately wished I had something, anything, to calm myself. A knife. A razor. Anything to numb the emotional pain. My right hand found my left wrist, feeling the lumps old scars had left behind. My nails dug in to the soft skin, breaking the surface and going deep, drawing blood.

Before I could find satisfaction, a hand rested on my shoulder, pulling me away from my dark thoughts. "Hey, hey. Calm down, it's okay. What's wrong?" I looked up into Nicky's dark brown eyes, a tear escaping mine before I could stop it.

"I don't think I can do this." I sobbed. "I don't think I'll survive. I'm weak. I'll never make it out alive."

"Hey, it's okay. You'll be fine. I'll be here with you through it all. I promise." She stroked my hair, pushing it behind my ears and out of my eyes where it had grown damp from my tears. She took my hand in hers, just now realising what I had done. "Carter, what did you do?" She asked, her eyes pleading.

"The only thing that helps me when I feel like this." Another sob wracked my body. How stupid did I have to be to do this? Other people worked through their depression, but me? I gave in to it. I always had. Whenever I got depressed I would self harm. Take the emotional pain away by replacing it with physical pain. Just another reason I was a fuck up.

"Come on. Follow me." Nicky stood up, grabbing a roll of toilet paper. She took me by my arm, guiding me through the hallways to a bathroom, careful not to be caught.

She unrolled a bunch of toilet paper and wet it under the tap. Holding the damp toilet paper in one hand, she took my left arm in her other. She brought it down to my wrist, wiping away the blood. I winced in pain as it made contact.

"Why did you do this Isobelle? Why would you do this to yourself?" She asked, hysterically.

"I don't know. It's something I've always done when I feel this way." I whispered.

"Please don't. If you feel like doing this again, come to me. I don't care why, I don't care what time it is. Come to me and I'll try to help." She pulled me closer, into an embrace and kissed my forehead.

That's when I broke. I had never had anyone say something like that to me. Never had someone genuinely care if I hurt myself. Most people in my life had told me to do this, or better yet, get it over with and kill myself already. Yet here Nicky was, someone I barely knew, offering me something so small, yet so monumental. She would be here for me if I needed her. She would be my friend, something I hadn't had in a very long time.

I cried. And cried. I sobbed into her chest as she held me, feeling so sad yet so happy all at once.

We stayed like that for a while. I didn't want to leave her arms but eventually we had to return to our bunk.

I had never felt anything like this before. I finally had someone. Someone who had uncovered one of my darkest secrets but still wanted to be in my life. Maybe she didn't have a choice, seeing as we were room mates, but that didn't matter to me. She accepted me for who I was and for that I was eternally grateful.

She really was beautiful. Not just on the outside but inside too. She was amazing. And that night, when we were both settled down in our beds, I slept peacefully, without nightmares, for the first time in days, just barely hearing the words "goodnight Isobelle".