Person of Interest

Chapter 9: The Trouble With Instinct

Unsurprisingly, this was one of those battles. I caught her again easily, satisfied that this time, she didn't try to run away, emphasis on try. But...

She still wasn't talking. She still wasn't looking at me. She just had her head bowed meekly as she shook, her delicate, yet calloused little hands clenched into white-knuckled fists at her sides. I felt a lump of guilt building in my soul, followed by a twinge of annoyance at said lump of guilt for ruining my mood.

I hesitated for a moment as my instincts battled with my lo- my softer side. In the end, I honestly have no idea which side won. Bu whatever the case, now that I had her, my body was calming down considerably and had begun to move on it's own again, applying a light pressure to her shoulder. Like I said, I had no idea which side of me came out on top, so I really don't know what I was doing; I mean, was I comforting her? Asserting dominance? Did I love the whine that it drew from her, or did I hate it?

"yeesh... you're really scared a' me, ain't ya?" I asked softly, my grin fading a bit. She didn't give me an answer, but that was okay; I didn't really expect one.

She jerked her head away with a grunt when I tried to bring her head up to see what was in her eyes, but I let her; it was enough for now that she was so close.

"...i get it," I told her, playing with her soft, silky hair as I spoke. "i put ya through the ringer last night. ya got every right ta be scared, sweetheart... that's on me."

And that was about as close to a sincere apology as anyone had ever gotten outta me. Take it or leave it. Though by the violent shudder that ran through her body as a reaction, she was most likely going to leave it. For her to be shaking that much, almost rattling the bones in my hands...

"_____...."

She flinched. Tried to twist away.

No.

"_____. look at me," I told her sternly. Unwilling to wait as she hesitated, I wound my phalanges through the hair at the base of her neck and skull, right at her scalp, and slowly tilted her head back. She wasn't nearly as panicked as last night, but the fear was still there, shining in her tears. Of course it was; She wasn't like me and my brothers. She didn't belong in our world, and I should probably have stopped treating her like she did.

I didn't, of course, asshole that I am... but I decided to try again.

"i'm not gonna hurt ya, sweetheart. no one's ever gonna hurt ya again," I murmured, staring deeply into her eyes, desperately trying to make her understand. "i protect what's mine."

"I-I'm not yours," she stuttered quietly, voice cracking halfway through her denial.

I sighed, a twinge of sadness making its way past the elation of her nearness. Yeah, I knew she had a point; She belonged to me in my mind, but to her? Nah, I was just some guy that she probably would have already called the cops on if she didn't know that we basically owned the police.

"whatever ya say, doll," I agreed neutrally. I probably sounded like an asshole; 'yes dearest, whatever you say darling!' ...ugh. wayta go, Sansy.

What happened next really shouldn't have surprised me as much as it did.

About five seconds later, she screamed out a vehement 'NO!' and shoved me away. Or tried to, anyway; I didn't budge an inch, so she ended up almost falling on her ass. I winced inwardly as a couple strands of the hair I'd been holding were wrenched free of her scalp in her hurry to get away... to get away from me.

I couldn't hold back the wave of rage that took me then at the prospect. I felt my eyelights disappear as I watched her, pushing back the warning growl threatening boiling up in my chest. My instincts took over All I could think, all I knew, was that no one, no one, would take her from me. Not even her.

She backed away slowly, warily, with her hands outstretched as if she were trying to placate some predator (which she basically was) while I tried my best to reign myself in.

'stop. that's enough. just stop and think. let her go. you weren't supposed to do this today. let her go. let her go. just let her go for once, damnit!!'

So I did. It was hard, and it hurt, and I knew it must have hurt her too, and I hated it, I hated it... but I did it. The little doe bolted off as fast as her little legs could carry her, light and whippet graceful as ever, leaving me staring after her with my soul feeling as empty as I knew my eye sockets must have been.

With a deep sigh, I headed off to the pasta aisle.

'let her go...

...for now.'