The Seller of Sins

Chapter 1 - The Seller of Sins

The traffic was busy at this time of year. A summer evening in July was a time when people were gathering around, for any reason. Someone wanted to walk a dog. Someone wanted a date with an attractive person. Others were smoking weed under the bridge.

Karolina was also there for a particular reason. She stared into the dirty river water under the bridge. The brown river Sava was never ready for swimming, but some people looked for comfort there, to travel in eternity looking out at its view.

Once, a woman in a car had been found there. It had taken policemen a good deal of hard work to pull the drowned car from the river's depth. Yellow CAUTION tape flashed in Karolina's mind when she thought about herself getting too close.

Karolina did not want to visit a shrink. What was the purpose? She figured it would be a woman who would offer her pills and words like "Do you hate your mother?" or "Did your father ever tell you he loved you?" The thought alone was enough to dismiss any kind of visit.

She felt burdened, but her thoughts were not always sad and blue. One day she would be thrilled with cats and their cuddles. The next day she would hate everyone on the street. She would argue with people at work and her neighbors, secretly wishing they all died. Despite all her troubles, she was too rebellious to jump from the bridge because she knew the facts.

Her beloved people would cry a few days, and afterward, she would be forgotten. Her haters would drink champagne, and people who ignored her would just confirm their attitude toward her with the statement: "She was a weirdo."

She felt someone tapping her shoulder. The unknown hand touched her, so she turned around with a furious expression on her face.

"It is not worth it, my dear." An older woman with grey hair and a face full of wrinkles had approached her and had almost whispered in her ear.

"What do you want?"

"I see you wish for the end. My dear, it is not too late to change things, but that is not the answer. They will find you, dirty and ugly, and examine your body in an experiment. Students will learn about human anatomy, and you will lie there like a ragdoll.

"Leave me alone, you freak. Or I will—"

"Call the police? Don't worry, my dear. I just wanted to give you advice. Last summer, the police called me to say that my daughter jumped from the bridge. She was forty-five years old."

"I am very sorry to hear that, ma'am." Karolina peered at the woman's devastated, wrinkled face. This woman made her blood freeze.

"It's no problem. Just promise me: Don't jump. If I can save just one life, I will go to heaven. It was my fault. I did not care for my daughter enough. She would still be there..."

The words were flying from her mouth, and Karolina nodded from time to time. The old woman had read her mind, but she was a step forward. Karolina had thought about suicide, but she was too scared to do it.

She was too weak for a fight with life's obstacles, but death would cut off any chances to stay in the race. Secretly, in the dark depths of her mind, she had wanted that thunder to hit her. She also craved for some drunk driver on the road to cross over and into her.

She wanted to hire high forces to finish her life, but what destiny had ever been sent here? This granny who had lost a daughter was a messenger. How had she come to be here?

Maybe she was on the bridge every day to rebuild a memory of her daughter who had died tragically, but what had made her approach Karolina when there were other people too? The sentence "I want to die" must be obvious on Karolina's face, like a warning for everyone to see.

For the most part, the people around her did not pay attention. "You have eye bags. You look tired." Those were all she got from people who surrounded her, but they didn't really care. They were busy with their own lives and struggles.

Her mother used to tell her: "Take care of your health, dear. Don't put yourself under so much pressure. Look at me. I have health problems, and you should spare yourself of the stress."

What is someone's death today indeed? A notification in the newspaper. How about suicide? Inspiration for a blog. The thought that she could be a promotional tool for some bloggers or influencers terrified her. At least she had some dignity, and her ego was not dead yet.

The woman's wrinkled face had approached her for a reason. The old woman had experienced suffering, but her daughter was not here to know about it. Karolina did not want to punish the few people who cared for her.

She looked at her cell phone, but the message she was expecting was still not there. Then she grabbed her lighter and a cigarette. Her mind needed some poison, to bring her back to reality.