depression fucked up my love life

guilty😢

I couldnt help but keep this thing that me and Zion did. I had to tell Gio
I turned around
Juli: baby
Gio: whats wrong?
Juli: I uh
This was it. My boyfriend, my love, my everything is about to hate me for ever
Juli: me and Zion we um.... We kissed
He took his hands off of my waist and he looked broken
Juli: but it meant nothing
He walked out of Julia's room and into ours I ran after him
Juli: baby...
Gio: I need sometime to think
He grabbed his keys and grabbed a bag. He started putting some clothes in
I went in front of him and put my hand on his chest
Juli: baby pls
Gio: I can't julissa
Juli: it meant nothing baby we are just friends
Gio: you weren't saying that when you guys were kissing
Tears were running down his face and it was hard to make him cry. Like really hard
Juli: gio
I cupped his face and wiped his tears with my thumb
I was starting to tear up
Juli: pls baby I cant have you gone. I need you I was dumb for doing that
A tear ran down my face
Gio: I cant. My girl kissed my bsf... I just
I was crying at this point
Juli: I'm sorry baby. Jus don't leave me
I hugged him balling my eyes out into his chest
He hugged me back
Gio: I need to be alone baby
He grabbed his keys and left
I screamed and her little cries
I walked to Julias room
Juli: shh baby girl
I said crying
She smiled at me
I smiled back with tears running down my face
I took her to our room
I laid down and laid her on my chest
Juli: pls dont end up like your mama. A complete fuck up. Do better Julia. Treat your man with respect and with loyalty.
I kissed her head
She yawned and fell asleep
But I couldn't
3 hours later
She was still asleep in her crib we had in our room
Tbh I looked like a complete fucking mess
My eyes were blood shot fucking red, my hair was messed up, I was wearing only a bra and sweats, I looked completely tired and I was high asf (don't smoke while your child is in the room)
I was still crying
I suddenly heard a knock at my door
Juli: come in
Gio walked in
Gio: julissa! What happened
Julia woke up and started to cry
I got up and held her
Juli: shhh shhh its ok baby
she fell back asleep
I laid her down
I looked back up at gio
Gio: omg baby
He came closer and wiped my tears
Gio: how long have you been crying? Why are you high? What happened
Juli: I'm such a mess
He saw that my eyes were bloodshot red
Gio: did I make you cry this much?
He looked like he was about to cry
Juli: no um... Julia fell so I felt bad
He could tell when I was lying
Gio: I'm such a bad boyfriend
Juli: hey no your not. I just tend to cry more than I should. Listen baby I love you and you are the best bf ever. I shouldn't have kissed zion. Pls jus dont leave again
I laid my head on his chest and hugged him
Gio: I wont I promise
I looked up at him I stood on my tippy toes and kissed him
He kissed me back. I felt all my pain go away.
Gio: I love you julissa
Juli: I love you too baby
He kissed my head