Love and War || A Sanders Sides AU

Chapter Sixteen

"You like books then?"

"Stories." Roman shrugged. "The bookstore just happened that way."

"Alright. And have you ever been to therapy before?" Picani asked, face still as cheerful as ever.

"Uh, no." Roman shook his head. "Not unless you count talking to Remy."

"I do not." Picani shook his head. "But that's alright, a first time for everything!"

"I guess so." Roman shrugged, starting to feel a bit more at ease. The cartoon-themed room certainly helped with that. "Uh, I dunno what else there is to know. I'm not that interesting."

"Oh, that's not true!" Picani waved a hand. "I'm sure there's a lot of stuff to know about you, so let's talk about you! What is going on with Roman today?"

"Oh." Roman frowned and ran a hand through his hair. "Uh, well, I dunno. Not a lot, I'm here I guess."

"Yes, you are!" Picani beamed. "So talk about that. How do you feel about this, Roman? I heard you were a bit hesitant to agree and come see me."

"I feel nervous." Roman sighed, shoulders slumping. "And, I dunno. I just don't... know how I feel about it, really."

"Why are you nervous?" Picani asked, voice a little calmer than before. It was soothing. Roman thought for a moment. Why was he nervous?

"There are things I don't think other people should know about me." he finally said, looking at the floor instead of Picani. "And enough people already know. Why add to the list, right?"

"We all have parts of ourselves that we aren't a fan of," Picani said gently. "And things we've done that we're ashamed of. But not everyone needs to know, Roman. Only those you trust do."

"That's true." Roman sighed. "But how do I know I can really trust the people who know?" the worries that he'd tried to keep away from his head flooded out. "What if they use it against me? These things aren't good, there's nothing good about them. The only way they can be used is to hurt me, and I've had enough of people hurting me!" he pressed a hand over his mouth, realizing too late that his voice had risen to an almost shout.
Picani didn't say anything for a moment, tapping his pencil on his chin. And when he did, it was not what Roman expected to hear.

"You know who you remind me of?"

Roman stared at him, not replying.

"Lapis lazuli." Picani nodded. "She-"

"From Steven Universe?" Roman asked incredulously. Picani's face lit up.

"You've seen it?"

"Seen it?" Roman scoffed. "I've studied it! I've watched all the episodes a dozen times at the very least."

"So you know what I mean!" Picani beamed. "You're like Lapis. She was so sure that people wanted to hurt her that she lashed out - even in the first episode we saw her in."

"What?" Roman scowled. "I don't lash out."

"Not at others, maybe." Picani shook his head. "But I can tell you don't think very highly of yourself, Roman. Neither did Lapis, really."

"I don't know about that." Roman frowned. "She wasn't like me. She was always fighting for herself, wasn't she? I hardly ever do that..."

"Well, that may be true." Picani nodded. "But I still see a lot of similarities between you two. You don't really know how to feel about some things, and you're afraid of being hurt. So much that you let it take over everything else in your life."

"...that's creepy." Roman decided, narrowing his eyes at Picani. Picani giggled.

"So I'm not wrong?"