At the ends of the red string.

Red String

2009: Almost 3 years had already passed since I started working on the radio with Kamiya-san every week ... Before then for me he was just a senpai that I respected and when they told us that we were going to work together I was extremely surprised. Maybe I was a  little scared because he did nothing but look at me with his typical frown, I think he was puzzled because I was very clumsy on the radio and he often had to cover up for me, it's funny to think about it!We got along well and often met to discuss what we would talk about on the radio, it was rare for him to open up for talking about matters outside of work and I couldn't even blame him because since he had that horrible bike accident in 2006 he was determined to give 100% to his career ...
As days, weeks and years too were passing I started to feel that something was changing in me, it was as if I could no longer be with someone who was not Kamiya-san, his loud laughter, his tsundere behaving at extreme levels ... Everyday I was asking me if this was just a mere adoration for a colleague or something else; outside the radio I had done other work with him. Then one day we had to record a CD drama whose story centered on a relationship between two men and while we were recording it I realized that it was not a simple adoration: I was infatuated with him, Kamiya Hiroshi!I felt strange, guilty of feeling this love for a colleague of mine, a man like me who was extremely popular among the fans and also among female colleagues ... How could it be otherwise? He was a fascinating man, although very introverted, and the more I forced myself not to think about him, the more this feeling grew because I met him very often for work. What if he discovered these feelings of mine? Maybe he would have pushed me away, after all we were both men ...

Slowly this simple crush had turned into something really deep and powerful, a feeling that burned my chest and so hard that even his typical "Ono-Kun you're stupid!" made my heart shiver and in my head it almost seemed that our souls were in harmony, and yet it was only my own feeling ... It hurt me so much that I wanted to tear my heart out so as not to suffer more than necessary and I decided that perhaps I should act, take courage and confess my love to him ... but when? We were both so full of work that I probably would have caused problems ...
Our first event had just ended, it was the DGS 4Lovers Only .... the first real live we sang together, we were both really tense and maybe we  made some mistakes, but as we sang on stage I knew he was the most important person in my life, that I would have fought to get to him and to do it maybe I would have risked our friendship ...After the performance we both went to our dressing room, we had some time before going to celebrate with the staff; I looked at myself in the mirror, it was definitely the moment, I still had the adrenaline in my body and I felt invincible ... I felt so strong I could handle even a negative reaction!
... Kamiya-san ... I need to talk to you!
I said in a serious voice as I turned to him, while he was changing I was screaming inside.
Hm? How serious you are, Ono-kun ... Until a few minutes ago you were hopping with joy ...
His tone was puzzled, but he was right...my face was really grim.

I know it seems so sudden and maybe you won't even like what I'm about to tell you, but for a long time ... really long time ... I think I fell in love with you ... Not as a kohai adoration for his senpai ... I really have a love feeling for you and I really needed to tell you the truth...
I felt my legs getting shakey as I spoke and I watched his little dark eyes. Immediately they were as if they were wide open to my confession, but I knew he was listening to me, I felt his eyes on me and he didn't seem to be horrified and I didn't understand. At one point, however, I saw him strange, maybe he was actually realizing what I was saying to him and I had to call for him-
Are you ok, Kamiya-san?
Eh? Ah ... Yes I am fine Ono-kun ... It is that... this confession of yours was so sudden that I really don't know what to say ... except that I didn't think it was possible to hear those words from you!
He replied awkwardly, damn he was adorable when he behaved this embarassed way! But in the room there was now an awkward silence and only the knocking on the door broke out that moment of endless unease.
Kamiya-san, Ono-san ... are you ready? The car has already arrived!
We dressed abruptly as we heard one staff member calling us from behind the door and we finally went out.
That evening we acted as if nothing happened, he had said nothing more about it and at the time I was fine. Really.

A few days passed since my confession and one day, while I was chatting with some colleagues, I saw him coming beside me and to me he seemed somehow disappointed.
If you have time to flirt, then move your ass and come, we must go to the meeting!
I greeted my colleagues and followed Kamiya-san, he bacame kind of angry in the last few days and I felt his sharp looks on me. And maybe the only possible reason of his behaving was linked to the night I confessed to him? It had to be that!
Kamiya-san ... did something happen? It's a couple of days I see you like this....
I asked him as soon as we were alone in the elevator and looked him straight in the eyes, I wanted to know.
Like what?
Well ... irritated ... every time we meet you seem cold to me ... did I do something to you?
... You're an idiot.
He said only while the elevator stopped, but as the doors were about to open, I instinctively locked the doors and chose a button for the highest floor of the building. Needless to say, Kamiya-san looked at me with wide eyes.
What the hell is wrong with you ??? We don't have time to play!
So tell me what the hell goes through your head ... I haven't done anything to you and since that night after the live, we just talk about work ... and every time I'm with someone you do nothing but be annoyed ...
He sighed to hear my request for answers and once the elevator reached the last floor, it was him who took the step and pressed the button on the ground floor again.
... At my house tonight, after the recording ... It's pointless to talk about it here.

He answered only and after a head nod of mine silence fell again, it was not actually the best place to talk about it.
Finally the fateful time arrived, luckily the recording on the radio had gone well, but in my mind I had made all the possible scenarios of how it would go to her house, at best he said he wanted to be my only friend, I didn't have no expectation on a love relationship ... On the contrary, in the worst case, he would have told me not to look for him outside of work any more, and this really scared me. We went with his car to his house, I had already been there several times but this time it could have been the last one and I sighed while he made me sit in the living room. His cat Nyaa-san was quick to run to his master to rub his legs for food.
Wahhhh my beloved baby, I've missed you so much, you'll have all the food you want ~
It always seems so unusual to hear him speak in that manner, it was a voice that he reserved only for his cat, whom he loved like a son, this was also one of the things that made me fall in love with him, that behind his gruff manners he was a sweet soul and full of love despite being a very lonely type.
Do I give you the usual beer, Ono-kun?
He asked me as he was on his way to the kitchen, but I shook my head, approaching the stove.
No, take care of Nyaa-san... I will prepare some Oolong tea ... I don't think it's a good idea to drink alcohol tonight ...
I answered as I filled the kettle with water, at that moment I wasn't looking at it and I hummed as I made tea.

Why? Are you afraid of doing something irreparable? Aren't we here to talk about it?
He only asked while he was giving the cat his food, the question completely displaced me, but it was true that I was afraid of being stupid if I got drunk as usual, especially now that I was aware of my feelings towards him.
Kamiya-san ... You know I could do it ... and I don't want ... I don't want to ruin our friendship at all ...
I did not have time to finish the sentence that at one point I felt myself pull the collar of my shirt and I found my lips blocked, from his. It was a brief contact, but it seemed eternal since I was in a daze and when I left I looked into his eyes, even more confused.
Ono-kun ... I wouldn't have gotten to this point if there wasn't a reason ... And you know that I'm not goods with words so embarassing ... I know that that evening I didn't give you a answer because I didn't expect it ...
He took a deep breath as he played with his hands nervously, it was definitely the first time I saw him like this and I was shocked at what was happening.
Just like you, I thought it was a feeling impossible to convey to you, perhaps out of fear ... and in fact I had decided not to say anything in the hope it would fade by itself. Then you confessed yourself and I didn't really know how to act and afterwards it bothered me to see you with other people ... I don't know .... I don't understand anything anymore ...
He kept muttering, sometimes looking at me and sometimes looking down at the parquet, you could see how embarrassing he felt to expose himself so much and I went to him to take his hands, damp with sweat, and I kissed his forehead gently.
It's ok, Kamiya-san ... I understood perfectly what you mean and that's okay ... Take care of me from today onwards ~
Nh..... sh-shut up!
He answered in his tsundere way that I loved so much and I looked for a new kiss, this time a real first kiss, the first of a long series.

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The alarm clock sounded like it did every morning and Daisuke reluctantly opened her eyes to take his smartphone, but when he saw the date she smiled sweetly.
Today it's ten years ...
He thought to himself as he quietly took a small red ball of yarn from the night table, opening it in a long red string and knotting its ends to their little fingers, it was not simple, but so amusing and he finally began to stroke his lovers's hair.
Hiroshi .... the alarm played~
Nhhhh ... I told you to not being rough tonight ... I'm very tired ...
He mumbled as he tried opening his eyes and noticed with a misty look the little finger wrapped in red.
Are you a teenager, Daisuke? Where does this string come from ?!
He said in a joking tone as he noticed the other's little finger, also wrapped, and Daisuke grinned, kissing his forehead.
Tonight I dreamed of the time I confessed to you, it still seems like yesterday and having passed 10 years now, normally I would give a diamond ring ... but you wouldn't be the type and I prefer a red string to promise you eternal love ~
Daisuke answered as he kissed his lips and braided the fingers of the hands that had the thread.
You are a jerk! And embarrassing in the early morning!
I know ... and I love you too ~


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