Trouble at Saddleback Creek

The Reluctant Gunfighter

Author's Note

It all started with Grandpa. When I was a kid growing up in the Colorado Rockies, and I wasn't hunting or fishing, I'd go over to Grandpa's house. He always wore his ten-gallon hat and his moustache because he was a famous old western cowboy, albeit one of the bad guys. He would sit as close to the kitchen stove as he could get and Grandma would be sit as far away from the stove as she could get and still be in the room.

I'd climb up on his knee and he'd tell me bear stories, mountain lion stories and stories about gunfights, stampedes, and massacrees.

Grandma she'd listen and she'd listen and finally she'd say, "Ohh, stuff! You shouldn't tell him those things." Boy, if a pickle could talk it would sound just like her.

Grandpa, he'd laugh, "Ho, ho, ho," and I knew who I believed. I never will forget the day I found out he was getting them all out of western history magazines. He was good, though. He got going, you could smell the gun smoke and hear the snarls. Most of the stories were true, too, except for the part about him being there when they happened.

I don't remember any of his stories except for a few phrases, e.g., "We'z a'comin' along the side-hill." or "I seen that rabbit a'settin' thar." I remember enough of his technique to use it though. I have had a lot of fun looking up things that did happen in the Old West and putting them in my stories. I hope you have as much fun reading them.

P.S. Some of Grandpa's words might be hard to understand, so I have included a glossary.

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Glossary

Ain'tagonna – Refers to an unlikely or exceedingly improbable event, i.e., viz., to wit, 'Never happen'.

Beeyuny – Buena Vista, a small town located far above most places. Foreign languages are never spoken there and their English bears only a passing resemblance to that spoken by Elizabeth the Second or any other member of the royal family, for that matter. Pronounced Bee-you-knee.

Belly through the bush – Avoiding legal entanglements by absconding, particularly in a clandestine manner.

Bucket of Blood - An inexpensive albeit egregiously poor-quality hostelry

Buscadero - An individual adroit in handling firearms, particularly in stressful circumstances. May be largely responsible for eliciting the aforementioned circumstances.

Cutting a Rusty - Engaging in courtship behavior. The intentions thereof may be marital or simply a fuller involvement in the joys life has to offer.

Corral Dust - Balderdash, albeit entertaining balderdash.

Hoodathunkit - Who would ever have considered such a course of action feasible? (Chiefly West Texas).

Lie up among the willows - avoiding arrest or retribution by concealment, particularly in a sylvan environment.

Mizewell – Said of an alternative that is just as efficacious or appropriate as any alternate alternative.

Mudsill – Reprobate, degenerate, depraved, and disadvantaged, i.e., 'Not our sort'.

Rainch - Rural establishment for the purpose of raising livestock, particularly bovids. For the correct intonation, a non-native needs must compress the nostrils with thumb and forefinger while pronouncing this word.

Shiheart – Navajo term of endearment

Slommack - An inexpensive albeit poor-quality 'Lady of the Evening'