SICK LOVE

ALONE

I feel like I can't see you know when you can't find your way like something is just not there, that's how I feel that's how I will always feel and no matter how hard I fight no matter how hard I try when it's all said and done I'm still ALONE.

Aaliyah's POV

Pain was all I feel I think it's all I will ever feel me being sick is painful the bone crushing cramps that feel like I'm dying the morning sickness that happens less than mornings all the medication I take daily all the blood that comes out of holes of my body that shouldn't regularly was pain but it never been more painful the being alone which is what I was but I wasn't always alone I wasn't always in pain life seems to take a turn on you for the worst once you feel everything is going well.

Flashback
Mom do you think he would ever come back?
No sweetie I don't think he would ever come back
But why what did I do I love him just as much I love you he knows that right?
My mother signs and says Aaliyah honey look at me no matter how much love you feel for him he will never be able to feel as much as you I know that's hurtful and wrong but it's the truth your father will never be that to you a father because he has no love for anyone including himself one day I hope you understand that his love wasn't needed I know it's hard but I'm here I always will be you might not have his love but you damn sure have mine and I promise you that you always will.

I just stared back at my mom at this age I couldn't understand why I couldn't be loved by my father all the kids at school had theirs I wanted mine but I knew my mother wouldn't tell me nothing that wasn't true she never cared for lying to me no matter how young I was tears fell slowly down my face as I finally understood that it was only me and her not that I didn't love my mom I just wanted to love my father too.

Aaliyah you clean those damn tears this second I know your hurt but don't you ever cry over no one that doesn't deserves your tears do you hear me.

Yes ma'am, she was right he didn't deserve my tears my mom was all I needed and if he didn't love me then that was he lost.

So are you ready for you first day of school Angel my mom asked me.

Not really I don't know anyone what if they don't like me.

Not everyone is going to like you love but you pay them no mind you are beautiful and smart always remember that you'll make friends I'm sure.

I listened to my mom and nodded I love you Mom I really do so much.
She looked like she was going to cry and said I love you more so much more I'll be waiting for you on the porch when you get off the bus okay.

Okay I took one last look at my mom and walked towards the school bus never did I imagine that would be the last time I saw her.

I was currently drawing a picture sitting by myself my mom was wrong everyone was mean to me everyone was mean because of the color of my eyes they say there to weird or I'm too light I didn't understand why they could be so mean I'm not a mean person while I was drawing a little boy my age approched me he just stared until I finally get tired and ask him what did he want.

Why are you eyes that color he asks me
I don't know that's just what color they are my mom says there special.
He laughs and says those aren't special there ugly everyone laughs at this while I cry my mom always told me to never show my tears they aren't meant for people that don't deserve them but I was hurt and sad so I cried I wanted to run away but I couldn't move when I thought it couldn't get any worst a pretty little girl with two pig tails walked up and said you really shouldn't be mean to people who isn't me to you
He looked at her and said go away Barbie doll she didn't look sad like me she looked mad well I would rather be a Barbie doll then a water boy

Water boy he says that not even funny what does that mean what she said next was not expected it means pissy water boy yep I know about your bed wetting problem you bully the boy looked so shocked he started stuttering and fumbling with his words I'm not a water boy
Yes you are pissy your little friend told everyone that you wet his bed at the sleepover everyone was now laughing at him that's not true he yells
What I can hear what the water boy is saying everyone started calling him water boy laughing at him now making him cry and run off the girl turns to look at me and says hi I'm Sky it's nice to meet you what's your name

I didn't know what to do so I say why did you help me she laughs and say because your not bothering anyone so no one should be bothering you oh I say thank you she laughs again and say you don't have to thank me it was nothing your eyes are really pretty she says

Thank you you don't think there ugly WHAT she says there the prettiest eyes I ever seen don't listen to anyone there just jealous really thank you I say please stop thanking me your my friend I'm your friend I ask her yep my best friend and that's how I met my best friend she was strong and didn't care and that's what I love the most about her

We hung out that whole school day until it was time to go home she wrote her house number down and to me to call her I plan just to do that when I got home I couldn't wait to tell Mom how I made a new friend but when I stepped off the bus something felt different something felt wrong I didn't like what I was feeling I slowly walked down the street to my house and stopped once I saw all the police sirens and firefighters running everywhere I panicked and ran straight towards the burning house my burning house I didn't care I just wanted my mom as of I was running I was suddenly lifted off of the ground I  started screaming telling them to let me go he wouldn't he just kept telling me to calm down I kicked him hard and ran towards the house again this time another man stood in front of me blocking my way the other man walked up looking mad before he could yell at me the one in front of me said hello sweetheart  what's your name I didn't want to tell him but he was a cop so I couldn't lie my name is Aaliyah I say.
That's a pretty name my name is officer Smith you want to tell me while your running towards a burning house I instantly broke down crying he quickly grab me and said hey hey what's the matter I finally managed to calm down to tell him that's my house and my mom was there I seen his face the face he made was one I would never forget where is she I asked scared
Listen why don't you come with me and we can call someone you know that can come get you I was confused because I should go with my mom no I shook my head I want my mom he looked so nervous and sad but I didn't understand why listen we need but before he could finish he sentence I heard what broke me
There was one body Catalyn James 36 is now deceased the office signed and closed his eyes I'm so sorry sweetie NO I screamed I want my mom please bring her back please.

She was all I had and now she was gone I had no one I was ALONE.

Flashback Over

As I sat in my room in this quiet deadly hospital I wonder why couldn't it have been us both why couldn't I have left with my mother why did God leave me here to be in pain and be alone when I could be happy with her I don't want to be here anymore I haven't for awhile now but I just can't let my mom down I can't disappoint her she would want me to fight it's what I've been doing but for how much longer I'm not sure.