My Deal With The Badboy

17. The Truth Hurts

He looked over to me, with a sadness in his eyes, "I'm so sorry Jay,"

"Don't be sorry, you didn't know, how could you? It's okay, really." I told him as I placed my hand on his knee.

He picked up the guitar and placed it on the ground next to him. "You know it's okay to feel sad about it," He told me.

"No, really, I'm fine. I wasn't really close to her, my family was closer than me," I told him shaking my head as a stray tear escaped from the corner of my eye and rolled down my cheek.

"She was still your mother," He said, he almost looked pained to see me like this, weak, and fragile. "Nothing can replace your mum,"

"What would you know? You have two parents," I snapped angrily, removing my hand from his knee and placing it in my lap. I regretted my words a few seconds after, "I'm sorry. That was uncalled for."

"No," He replied, "I guess I should tell you. Charlotte isn't my mother, she's Maddie's, but not mine." I looked at him with wide eyes, "My mother left many year ago. I was about seven when she left my dad and didn't have much interest in keeping in contact with me, except for her annual birthday cards with fifty dollars cash inside. I guess in someways I'm lucky though, Charlotte raised me as her own."

I sighed, "I'm sorry, that's terrible,"

"It's okay, it's just that I do have some idea about what it feels like to grow up without a mother, and I think that no one should go through that," He told me with a small smile.

It was silent for a few moments before I started to sob uncontrollably, no matter how much I resented my mother for pressuring me and leaving and denying our family those few important moments with our mother before she died, I still missed her and loved her dearly, and I've been to busy trying to okay instead of grieving for my mum. Alec grabbed my hand and pulled me onto his lap, he stoked my hair and I cried. It was a rather strange embrace but  it was also somewhat comforting.

"I'm sorry," He muttered into my hair. A few minutes later I suddenly remembered why I'd come here looking for him.

I wiped the tears from my cheeks, "What did you mean before?" I ask him with a small sniff.

"When?" He queried.

"At the cafeteria." I whispered. I felt him tense underneath me. It was obviously not something he wanted me to bring up. Maybe he was hoping that I had forgotten.

He shrugged uncomfortably, "It was nothing really. Just blurted it out, I wasn't thinking straight." He was lying. I could tell.

I quickly stood up and looked down at him. "Cut the crap Alec." I snapped a bit to harshly then intended, but what can I say? I'm emotionally unstable at the moment.

He sighed deeply. "What a exactly do you want to know?" He asked, looking up at me with now cold eyes, the coldness makes me want to flinch away but I hold my ground.

"Was it real, or were you faking?" I said rather shakily. Why am I nervous to hear the answer?

"I have wanted to kiss you for awhile, I thought it was just so I could tick you off my list, but I know it was so much more then that. I wanted to do it again. And I tried at the party. Then today, when I started I couldn't stop, something overtook me, I didn't want to stop. It wasn't a fake kiss Juliette, I wasn't acting." He finished, I could see he didn't know where to go for here.

"Where does that leave us?" I asked. Somehow I already knew his words before he even spoke them, and it scared me, I was scared he would want everything back to the way it was, leave me. It scared me more than I cared to admit.

I really had no right to fear this. We weren't really going out. It was all just one big fat lie.

"I think we should call off our deal, I'll still get you anything you want, but it's not right what we are doing, you're losing your friends because of it and it just hard to pretend now," He said, looking down at the ground.

Because I'm not pretending, I wanted to tell him, but I kept my mouth closed.

"We should just pretend it never happened," He concluded. "I don't a want a relationship. I never have,"

"Fine, whatever. And I don't want your help with anything. I just want you to leave me alone!" Was the last thing I said before storming out of the room. I could feel the tears coming again, but I knew I had to keep going.

Will it really be like nothing ever happened?

Hope you guys are enjoying! New information about Jays mum and Alec's mum!
Edited

Hugs and kisses,
Addie xx