Suddenly, car stops and he gets out.
He takes me again and puts me over his shoulder. That way i Can only see the ground beneath me.
Soon enough, we enter a dark room and he puts me down. I would say this is living room, just without light and whole in mess. There are empty beer bottles and pizza boxes everywhere. I even see pills under the table.
He:"Now now, my little princess..."
He moves his finger over my face and stops at my chin. He takes it with one hand and makes me look at him.
He:"You will be a good girl and do whatever i tell you to do, okay?"
He gets closer and whisper in my ear.
He:"Or else... Both you and your precious brother won't see outside world ever again."
The mention od my brother made me realise.
When our parents divorced a year ago, Jonghyun went with father, while I stayed with mom. At that time, he was having a good lawyer who made the court think he is and will be a good father.
For this whole year, he stayed with this maniac. I hope he okay...
He lets go of me and tells me something before leaving me alone in a dark, cold room.
He:"Your first thing to do Is to clean up this mess. I will come later to see it."

But I'm not doing it right away.
I sit on a cold floor for few more minutes, crying my eyes out.
After, i stand up and start picking up those boxes, taking them inside the trash can in the corner.
I do the same with bottles.
As for the pills, i put them in a special box. It's not my first time doing this. I know he will get angry if I throw them away with other trash. He says those pills are expensive, so they should be saved.
Trash can Is already full.
There's some pieces of glass on the floor, and huge red stain on a wall.
I try cleaning it with a towel i found, but it can't be cleaned. It's not fresh.
I take that towel and carefully pick up a glass pieces. I don't want to get cut.

I'm finally done. It didn't pass more than 5 minutes when he came in.
He:"Good job princess."
He had a new, full bottle in one hand.
With his other hand, he took mine and led me to a new room.
This one looked like a bedroom. But a scary one.
There is only one old bed, a window and a lamp.
He lets go of me and kisses my head. I'm disgusted by his touch.
And now, I'm locked. Again. In a colder room than a previous one.
I sit on bed and hug myself.
It's quiet.
But silence broke when i heard a sound coming from somewhere near.
I jump and put myself in a corner.
?:"Hello? Is anyone there?"
My muscles relax a bit as I recognise that voice.
Me:"J-Jonghyun?"
Jonghyun:"Y/n?!"
Me:"Yes, it's me!"
Jonghyun:"Oh god, are you okay? Did he do anything to you? How did he find you? Where Is mom?"
He sounds so desperate. I can't help myself but to tear up. I almost forgot how his voice sounds like.
Me:"I'm okay, at least for now. I don't know how he found me. I thought he still lives in Korea."
I didn't answer on his question about mom.
Me:"How are you holding up? Are you alright?"
I can hear him coughing hard.
Jonghyun:"I'm alright. Don't worry sis."
I look up at the wall and see some kind of a small window. That must be how we can hear each other. I put my hand on a wall, hoping that would get me closer to him. But all I'm feeling, Is the coldness of that wall.
Jonghyun:"Did mom came with you?"
That was it. I couldn't take it. I started crying silently. But somehow, he heard my sniffs and asked me again.
Jonghyun:"Y/n, did mom stayed in Korea? Is she safe?"
I keep silent.
Jonghyun:"Y/n!"
He raised his voice.
There is no reason to hide it from him, right?
Still drowning in tears, i manage to get my voice out.
Me:"Jonghyun..."
It was quiet on the other side.
Me:"She's... She's... She's gone."
I know this broke his heart. He knew that mom always had health problems. But  wasn't hoping for something like this to happen.
I continue crying.
I don't have to hear it to know he Is crying too.

We stay like that for a while.
Sharing this pain together.
Only my sobs and sniffs are heard in room.
But his voice appears again.
Jonghyun:"Maybe it's better this way."
I stopp crying for a moment, letting myself hear what Is he going to say.
Jonghyun:"This way she doesn't have to struggle anymore. She Is in a place without pain now."
I think about his words. He's right.
But we will hurt her if she see us crying. So I wippe away tears from my face and take a deep breath, which i couldn't do until now.
Me:"Yeah, you're right."
Silence.

Jonghyun:"Can I ask you for a favour?"
Me:"Yes?"
Jonghyun:"Can you sing something?"
I raise a brow at that.
Me:"Why?"
Jonghyun:"I missed your voice. This silence Is killing me."
I take a deep breath again, and i start singing quietly.
A song our mom used to sing for us before sleeping. She wrote it herself.
I close my eyes and feel a melody filling my body with warmth.
Music Is my escape.

18.03.2006. 08:07 a.m.

Both of us haven't got any sleep.
I don't know how many days has it been since im here.
I have a window, but it's covered with a blanket so i Wouldn't be able to see through it.
I tried sleeping, but my body refuses to.
It is too cold and uncomfortable.
I know Jonghyun feels same way. I wish i can be there and hug him. To give him my warmth.

It isn't quiet.
I can hear steps in the other room, the one Jonghyun Is in. He didn't stop walking for a while now. I know he's doing that so he wouldn't fall asleep. He wants to stay awake because of me. He feares that dad will come and hurt me while he's asleep.
There are other sounds too.
But those are coming from downstairs.
Sound of moaning.
Very loud moaning.
It's not first time for me hearing it.
Dad used to always bring some other ladies in our house.
I don't know what exactly Is he doing to them. I asked Jonghyun once but he told me that i will understand it when i grow up.
Mom was always singing to us to cover those sounds. I noticed she was trying her best not to cry.

It stopped.
Moaning Is now gone and replaced with a sound of a door closing, after what glass starts breaking.
I know that too.
He Is breaking all those bottles he drank. Why? So that i could have something to clean.
He's making a mess in a room on a purpose.
Next thing, steps on a stairs.
Coming my way.
I shoot my eyes towards door, which were now opened.
Before i know it, he draggs me out of the room. I Can hear Jonghyun yelling at him to let me go, but of course he doesn't listen.
Strong smell of alcohol is hitting my nose. It's gross. He Is gross.
Again, i find myself in the living room, which Is filled with with bottles and glass pieces. He pushes me on them and i fell on my hands and knees, which immidiatelly starts bleeding.
It stings.
He came to my side and made me look at him. I didn't even notice when he took his belt off. It was right in front of my face.
He smirked at me before his belt his my cheek. And then my legs. Arms. Neck. And rest of my body.
I couldn't scream. All i could do was cry and pray to God to stop it.
My whole body was hurting.
I count how many times he have hit me. 47.
Once he feels satisfaied, he returns the belt on his pants, and walks from me to sit on a couch, which wasn't too far away.
It was close enough for me to feel smoke filling the room.
It was coming from his cigarrette.
I feel disgusting smell in my nose and mouth.
I would probably throw up if i had something in my stomach.

I can't stop my body from shivering.
I feel scared.
For Jonghyun.
For me.

Suddenly, he puts away his cigarrette and walks to me again.
I can't look up from the ground.
I feel how he starts taking off my skirt.
And then my underwear. He probably wants to hit me again. That's what i thought.
I want to scream so bad. To tell him to stop.

Out of nowhere, door bursts open.
??:"Stop what you're doing!"
???:"Hands off her!"
Dad stopps and puts his hands in the air.
Other man takes his hands and leds him away from me.
A woman approaches me immidiatelly, puts a jacket over my shoulders and hugs me.
?:"It's okay sweety, everything Is okay now. "
Her voice was so gentle and soft. For the first time, i felt like i was safe in someones arms other than moms.
It was great to feel warmth in my body again.

I feel another presence in room.
I look up and share a look with Jonghyun.
We run to each other right away and hug.
God, how much i missed him.
Strong smell of his dirty clothes hits my nose, but i Can care less about that. I stink too.
I totally lose myself in his arms.
Someone lightly shakes my shoulder and we pull away. I look at man who wears blue uniform. I saw people like him on a TV. He's a policeman.
He takes me gently in his arms and other man takes Jonghyun for his hand and we go out of the house.

Our dad gets in another car.
I don't know where he Is going, but i hope it's far away from us.
As i am looking at him, i didn't notice when i find myself in arms of other person. And that person is my Aunt.
She Is hugging me really tight and crying on my shoulder.
Jonghyun joins Our hug.
Finally.
I finally feel loved and safe.






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