BLOODTHIRSTY

02 | Not so lucky

My eyes flutter open. To my surprise I found my friends staring at me, watching my every move. Chris reached out for my head and put his hand on my forehead. Brian looked at me and tried to find any injuries, and Andrea had dried up tears on her face. They all looked at me as if I was dying and their faces were too close for me to feel comfortable.

"I know you all like me but can you not be this close to my face please." I asked them amused with raised eyebrows. Andrea looked up to our friends. Confusion was written on all of their faces which made me wonder what really happened for them to act this way.

"What's wrong?" I questioned them while I attempted to find my phone.

"You passed out on us Winter." Brian told me but not in his usual self. The playfulness is his tone is completely gone. They were all being so serious which wasn't like them at all.

"Well what happened?" I asked them, still looking for my phone.

"You walked off by yourself." I looked up from the ground to see the expression on Chris face. He looked furious and balled his fist. "Than this guy was holding you and handed you to Brian as if it was completely normal to hold an unconscious girl." Chris sat next to me and closed his eyes to calm himself.

"I told you not to walk off on your own didn't I? Why can't you ever listen?" He asked me with raised eyebrows and I suddenly felt like a child again being scolded by my mother.

"I'm sorry but everything is fine, you see." I told him trying to lighten the mood.

"Just because everything looks fine doesn't mean that we are. A lot could have gone wrong. Shit we don't even know if he did something to you." The guilt that I felt every single day was creeping up on me, tugging at my heart. Manifesting itself in my behavior and making me want to run away. There are memories I try to bury. "I'm sorry." I told them and looked at my hands. "I'm so sorry." I whispered again, too ashamed to look them in the eyes.

A lot could have gone wrong.

Nightmares that kept me wide awake at night all came back to me. Reminding me of the time I played hide and seek, only to be forgotten. Perhaps there wasn't enough space for me in their hearts, or maybe there was too much. To the point I felt like a burden, a problem. Someone that constantly needed care. However I'm not a child, I'm not a baby that needs to be supervised every damn time. Yet I can't find the right way to express myself.

Chris sighed and left the room. Brian followed him and I was left alone with Andrea. Tears almost threatened to fall but I couldn't bring myself to do so. Andrea sat down beside me and wrapped her arms around my torso. Placed a soft kiss on my forehead and told me that it was okay.

"You know they only act like this because they care. Since that accident they have grown more protective of you." Andrea tried to comfort me as she gently cupped my face.

'You're wrong. They don't give me any space.' Was what I wanted to say yet all I could do was nod my head. Words stuck inside my throat. Living like this isn't pleasant nor is it fulfilling. It felt like I was trapped and every time I wanted to speak, I lost my tongue. I fear I lost my sense of self. Some things were better left unsaid. At times it's better to keep it for yourself than to share it with others, or at least that's what I was told.

We went downstairs and found the guys watching tv. I sat down and made sure not to be too close to anyone to keep a good distance from my friends. Andrea and Brian left the living area to make some breakfast. It was just Chris and me. His eyes are glued on me, watching me the way a lion watches his prey. He wanted me to talk. Speak my mind and express my feelings - my demons. Talk about the shadows that seemed to only grow bigger in size, but it is better to bury it under a pile of clothes.