Sanditon revisited

7: I did not know women could play cricket

Therefore the source of his fury was three-fold this afternoon when he once again found himself in a room at the Crowne hotel. He had intended to stay at Trafalgar house this time but changed his mind after the incident with his ward, Mr. Molyneux and the infuriating Miss Heywood. How provoking it was that his orders had not been obeyed, that people had gone behind his back and conspired so his ward could meet with that infernal scoundrel Molyneux. Sidney understood full well that Georgiana's feelings were deep and true, but he doubted that Mr. Molyneux was in love with anything else than her fortune. Therefore, he had taken it upon himself as Georgiana's guardian to protect her independence and money by keeping her from marrying Molyneux. If she did, both those things would be the possessions of Mr. Molyneux and there would be no turning back. He knew she hated him for it, but that was of little importance given the situation.

He was even more furious over Miss. Heywood's accusations. First the preposterous one that he was against Molyneux because of the colour of his skin. He could not care less. In fact he had known many good black men during his years in the West Indies and counted them as friends and equals. His objections to Mr. Molyneux derived from that he did not trust a gambler and also that he thought that Georgiana deserved someone who had something to offer or the match would be very unequal. Secondly and worse, Miss Heywood had accused him of supporting slavery and profiting upon it. It was true that Sidney in his youth had been involved sugar trade, but when he travelled to Antigua and saw with his own eyes that it entailed the forced labour of slaves he had renounced it with immediate effect even though it had meant an economical loss. He despised slavery and firmly believed that no man or woman should be the property of another. It all came down to the idea that he thought of humans as equals no matter the colour of their skin or gender and therefore Miss Heywood's accusations felt totally unfair.

He had been so taken aback and enraged by those accusations that he had not found the words to contradict her. All he had done was to raise his voice and told her he did not have to justify himself to her. Indeed he did not, but perhaps he wanted to anyway. When he cooled off he realised that yes, he did. He could not stand the thought of her believing those things of him, of her assuming he was so despicable.

This lead back to the third reason of his anger; deep disappointment. Disappointment that Miss Heywood had not lived up to the trust he had placed in her, even if it was understandable given that she thought his only objection to Otis Molyneux was his skin colour, and even deeper disappointment as being on bad terms with her meant he could not see her. He should not want to see her after she had spoken to him like that unless she apologised, and he knew that was highly unlikely to happen. Tormented he realised he wanted to see her nevertheless. Right now, he was probably the last person she wanted to see anyway.

Only a few hours ago seated in Mary's parlour, things had looked so promising. When he arrived in Sanditon, he had called on Trafalgar house and Mary told him Tom was out somewhere and Miss Heywood was visiting Miss Lambe. His heart had jolted at this immediate opportunity and completely valid reason to see Miss Heywood, perhaps he could even walk her back from Miss Lambe and get her alone for some time. Sidney's thoughts had spun away with him and a little smile played on his lips.

How disappointed and even betrayed he had felt when he realised Miss Heywood had helped Georgiana lying to get away from Mrs Griffiths, even more so when he found them in the company of Molyneux, and what really hurt was that he apparently was a joke to her. That imitation of him as some fancy, cruel dandy locking Georgiana away without justification was so unfair and spiteful that just thinking about it, made him clench his fists. She had him wrong. She had him completely wrong. Even in his furious state he knew he had to show her that and as he cooled down it seemed increasingly important. He did not understand why it mattered, it just did. He needed some distance to the whole thing first and decided it was better to return to London for a few days, before it was time for the cricket match.