The rules are straightforward at the baths. You will know right away if someone likes you. They make eye contact with you. If he makes eye contact and you return the eye contact, well, you know what will happen next. Some guys will not make any eye contact and even look away. You cannot take it personally. That is the most significant rule at the baths, though it is still hard for many to digest.
If someone makes eye contact with you and you want to cruise that person? Try stroking your dick or playing with your nipples. Touching can also be a helpful cruising tool. If you are sitting near someone, you may want to try playing footsies or reaching over and pinching his nipple. If you pass by someone in the hallway, you may decide to have your hand brushed against him. Some older men will even be bold enough to grab a guy's crotch! You can do this light touching to gauge someone's interest. But don't throw yourself at him. That makes you look desperate, which is a turn-off for most men. If he turns and pushes you aside, smile and walk away. Do not prolong the agony of trying to create something that will not happen. He is not interested.
If someone approaches you that are not up to your standards, be gentle in turning him down. Remember the treatment you would expect. We have all been the recipient of rejection at one time or another. I usually say I am just walking around, getting a feel for the place. If you want to be direct, say, "I am not interested." Do not say, "Get out of my face." That is rude, although you will encounter guys who will be that blunt.
On the flip side, if someone turns you down, accept it gracefully and move on. Do not stalk the person and hang around outside his room. It makes him uncomfortable and makes you look like a fool. Everybody is observing everyone. You may miss out on someone else by stalking someone who is not interested in you.
When you start cruising the rooms, men will lie on their beds in all positions. Lying face down means he wants anal. Sitting up could mean many things, but probably just a good time. Kneeling on the floor says he wants oral. If you pass by a room and the guy looks away, he is not interested. However, you know where that will lead if he looks at you and starts stroking himself.
If you see two guys getting it on, wait for a signal that you can join in. The wink, nod, or even a hand wave is a sign. They do not want or need a third party if you see none. If you try to join in, you will get pushed away gently or forcefully. That is embarrassing, so wait for the signals.
Remember, this is a bathhouse where rejection happens every second. So you cannot take it personally; that is how it is. If you cannot accept that, the baths are not for you. If you walk away with anything after reading these essays, walk away with this. A bathhouse is a place where quickie sex is the norm. If you are looking for a long bonding experience with someone, you will not find that at a bathhouse. I am not saying that it cannot happen, but it is rare. Most times, at the baths, a man's focus is to get off and move on. It is the norm in a bathhouse environment for a guy to get up and leave – all within 30 seconds of reaching ejaculation.
Many times before and after sex, no pleasantries get exchanged. It wastes time because both of you are there – FOR THE SEX! So why spend time talking? Time and time again, a guy will get up, put his towel back on, and leave your room once the sex finishes, all without saying a word. Afterward, you may run into him, roaming the hallways, looking for the next encounter. Some guys are insensitive enough to act as if they've never seen you before. Again, you cannot take it personally. The baths are for quick and easy sex. You are not there to make friends. Some guys don't even stick around looking for round two. Satisfied by getting off, some immediately leave the baths. It is not rare for men to spend only 20 minutes on the premises. Their sole purpose is to get laid, and if they accomplished that, why stick around? But some guys in the closet feel guilty after having quickie sex. They find it cheap and sleazy. These men run out of the baths filled with shame, vowing never to return. But that only lasts a couple of hours, and they return to the baths the next day.
One common question I get asked is, "Can you go to the baths as only an observer? Can you watch without being hit on?" The answer is yes, and here is how you do it. Do not get undressed. No rule says you have to strip off all of your clothes. Being fully clothed is a sign to other men that you are off-limits. When customers see someone fully dressed, they assume that person works at the baths. All patrons know bathhouse staff is off-limits. My friend Ari will do just that. When he goes to the baths, he stays fully clothed, sits in a well-lit part of the bathhouse, and watches people pass by. No one bothers him. If Ari sees someone attractive, he will pursue his object of desire while fully clothed.
Above all, please play it safe with condoms and lube. Someone told me something that has stayed with me, which I will pass on to you. Do not do anything that you do not want to do. It is not worth it. Many times, you will be in the throes of passion. Do not feel pressured to bareback or do anything you are uncomfortable doing for one second. Around the corner, there is another guy who will do what you want to do. So be patient.
Final advice on bathhouses.
Have Fun!
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