sticky sweet {nikki sixx}

•thirty three•

march, 1987.

nikki and i had learnt to live with his addiction, it took some time but we both got there eventually. it was just as hard for him as it were me. we had moved out of our first home and went onto something bigger, more better. even with the wedding planning, nikki's heroin, we amazingly could still afford it.
our wedding was in june and i was happy.. well as happy as you could be.

dancing around in our pale yellow beach hut that sat nicely on the californian sand, i watch everyone sit by the fire we had built up. it roared and spat slightly. the guys sat and drank their alcohol as i cooked and their wives or girlfriends took the food out to them. looking at the fuchsia sunset, the water glistened delicately. running through the sand to nikki, he had managed to pull himself away from the dark and dirty bathroom for tonight to spend some time with everyone else.
watching everyone snort rows of coke and smoking crack, i sigh as nikki runs inside to shoot up. vince looks at me with a weak smile and i smile back. zoning out as everyone's conversation mumbles in the back ground, i notice a dog running toward me it was the same golden retriever that i has seen almost a year ago. he bounds towards me and licks my face, laughing at him everyone stops and stares and to stroke him. looking up i see thomas rubbing towards me his masculine physique flexing.
"ruck, come here." he says nervously around everyone gently clipping his lead back on. smiling at him, he goes in for a hug,
"thomas." he gives me a squeeze and everyone else greets him.
he leaves his arm around my shoulder as everyone talks to him, all laughing and having fun. out of the corner of my eye, i watch nikki stomp across the sand, his sunglasses covering his eyes, unable to see his emotions.
"you alright man?" thomas ask shaking nikki's hand. nikki replies with a grunt. looking at thomas nervously he smiles.
"so... how did you two meet?" nikki asks, pulling me gently from thomas's grip and into his. i look at nikki confused,
"we met in the park a while back." thomas replies. i give a slight nod, so does nikki.
we all stand around and talk for a bit and eat food until i feel a squeeze on my arm, looking at nikki he leans in to whisper in my ear;
"come with me."
nikki doesn't give me a chance to reply, he drags me up the stairs and into the beach hut. looking at him confused his lips are pressed to mine and his hands are fumbling with my bikini, my heart was pounding in my chest as he pushes his crotch against mine, feeling his bulge. nikki picks me up and puts me into the table, standing between my legs, he kisses down my neck.

both of us panting, sweaty messes. this was the first time thar nikki and i had had sex and meant it. even if it was on a table in our beach hut. nikki places a little kiss on my cheek and pulls his trunks back up around his waist and hands me my bikini bottoms, i pick my sunglasses up off the table and place them in my hair, pushing it back slightly.
we walk out, our hands in each other's and everyone looks at us. smirks on their faces, besides thomas's.
        "told you they'd be having sex." vince says to thomas, he lets out a huff in reply to his comment. nikki's fingers squeeze around my knuckles and i can feel him smirk at thomas's response.
        "how's the kid?" thomas asks looking between nikki and i, "surely you must of had them by now?" i gulp slightly, we didn't speak of our baby, we couldn't do it to ourselves.
        "that wasn't cool man." tommy says solemnly.
        "we lost the baby thomas." i say, my voice ringing with heartbreak. he doesn't even utter an apology, he just smiles,
        "i told you it was a sign you weren't ready."
nikki luges himself at thomas, his fist punching into his jaw. vince and i grab nikki as tommy holds thomas back. mick sits and watches the commotion. thomas was triple the size of nikki, muscles the size of two of nikki's arms together.
       "what were you thinking?" i ask nikki, holding him back still. i could feel his muscles tensing under my hands, "you need to calm down." i watch as his breathing eases.
       "he can't say shit like that." nikki says, i could tell he was fighting back the tears. nikki struggled with losing the baby, but he never showed it or spoke to me about it. carefully i wrap my arms around his waist and hug him, his hugs back weakly.

pulling up outside of our house, it gave semi gothic vibes from the outside. stepping into the house, nikki slowly goes up stairs. watching him leave me i let out a little sigh and put the keys in the bowl. i begin making a coffee and i grab a beer from the fridge for nikki and leave in on the edge of the kitchen counter, there was a slight knock at the door and i knew it would be doc, he was still helping me in his area of buisness. swinging the door open he lets himself in,
        "do you want a drink?" i ask
        "a coffee will be alright thank you."
i nod and begin making another coffee as doc begins to lay papers all out on the counter,
        "how's nikki doing?" he asks concentrating on the papers. looking at him i sigh,
        "he is upstairs if you want to see him." doc laughs, "he's been better." i say taking the hint.
we begin to get down to buisness.

hours had passed and nikki comes trudging down the stairs, he grabs the bottle off the counter,
       "how you feeling?" i ask him, he gives me a slight shrug and looks through the cupboards,
       "i'm alright."
i nod slightly and doc gives me a weak smile, flipping through paperwork. nikki stops and looks over my shoulder reading the paperwork, his hand resting around my waist,
        "a manager?" he asks confused, i nod.
       "incase you decided to fire doc at least you can have me as a back up." i joke, doc wasn't impressed. nikki laughs and kisses the back of my head,
        "can i talk to you for a minute?"
i nod and follow nikki outside, lighting a fag. we sit in the garden chairs and he looks at me,
        "i think we should try for another baby."
my hearts stops with the shock that he wanted to do that.
        "another baby?"