"You're a wonderful girl," said Ansh, as he walked me back from one of the most boring and tiring dates of my life. "But I can't love you."
"I know," I replied. "It still is Shreya."
"Yes," he sighed in response. "I cannot get over her."
I smiled, told him that I appreciated his honesty and thanked him for the dinner. Then I bade him goodbye and walked ahead, on my own. Suddenly, I felt the urge to walk down to my college friend's house, in stead.
"He's still into you," I announced, as she opened the door and I stormed into her flat.
"Ansh?" she asked, timidly.
"Yes!" I exclaimed, as I collapsed on the couch before her TV, in her living room.
"But-"
"But nothing. You're a douche if you still plan on getting engaged to Saransh. In fact, I have always thought the only reason you said yes to him was because Saransh has an Ansh in his name. I'm telling you, if there is anything called love in this big bad world, you're in it for Ansh. And he- he still can't get over you. I knew it. I saw it everyday of the two months I was with him. Today he just confirmed it, himself."
"He said it?" Shreya asked, her lower lip quivering.
"Yes! My dear girl yes!"
"But you both?"
"What about us? We were never into each other. He was always trying to get over you. And for me it was just another failed attempt at dating. We broke up."
"But," she said, a little hesitantly. "How do you feel?"
And for the first time, in the last half an hour, did I realise that I was actually supposed to feel something. I took a deep breath and looked within myself, expecting to find some kind of complicated chain of thoughts. But everything was crystal clear. I had never ever felt a thing for Ansh. We had been friends from college and for a while he had had a crush on me, which I didn't reciprocate, so he moved on. But we continued being friends. In the third year of college, Shreya- who had been my library buddy, since we were the only two people who went to the library on a regular basis- and Ansh started dating.
They continued dating, through post grad, and only broke up when Shreya got drunk, in a party, and made out with some random friend, right before his eyes. Ansh was too shocked to even try to call out to her and stop her while she was at it. I was right there and I'm not sure if Shreya would have stopped had he even tried. By the time Shreya got sober and realised her mistake, it was too late. Ansh had already flown to Vegas and when he came back he had a lot of shady tales to tell. Shreya pretended not to care. They had clearly broken up and ever since then both of them had been putting up an act of having moved on. For a while, I did believe that they had actually moved on. So when Ansh asked me out, two years after that infamous break up, I agreed because I was bored and Shreya had already said to me that she felt Ansh had the hots for me and she would love to see us together. But the minute I started dating Ansh, I realised how huge a mistake it was. Ansh had clearly not gotten over his ex and Shreya grew colder towards me. Plus, I felt nothing special towards Ansh. The whole two month long relationship, full of miserable dates and meaningless conversations had been a mistake. This break up had actually brought me a great amount of relief. Of course, there was a tinge of dejection, somewhere deep down. This had been another pathetic attempt of mine at finding love. But I could deal with that later. At the moment, I had to help Shreya realise what a stupid mistake she was making, by continuing her relationship with Saransh, who had suddenly materialised out of nowhere and who Shreya was about to get engaged to.
"I feel nothing," I told her.
"Nothing?" asked Shreya sitting down next to me.
"Nothing," I repeated. "So here's the thing, now. I don't care how you do it. I don't care what you do. But you have to go get Ansh back. It's been two years and you guys are still clearly into each other."
"You really think so?" asked Shreya, earnestly."Yes!"
"But what I did was bad."
"Agreed," I told her. "But you can't let the one bad thing you did, ruin your only chance of finding true love. Saransh maybe a nice guy, but Ansh is the man for you! You made a mistake. You paid the price for it. Now, it's high time both of you got over it. Seriously. Chuck the pretence."
"It's not so easy," said Shreya, in a small voice.
"I know. But it's you alone who can do something about it!"
Shreya didn't reply. She just looked down and fidgeted with her hands. After a couple of minutes, she looked up and said, "Hey do you want some coffee?"
"Nah. I better get going. It's already late, and I am too tired."
"Umm. You'll walk alone?" She asked me.
"Yes Shreya. I don't live too far from here."
I loved walking. Shreya bade me goodbye and I left her flat. It was a 12 am, Mumbai night. The street was well lit and there was a lot of honking on the roads. I walked on the pavement, quietly. An old lady who lived by the road, and whose tiny house I'd crossed regularly for three years now, waved in greeting. Regardless of the time of the day or the month of the year I would always find her awake, sitting on a cot outside her house, every time I crossed. I believed she waited up for her son, who probably returned late from work, everyday. And she never forgot to wave at me.
"Go inside and sleep Ama. It's getting cold," I called out to her.
She just continued to smile at me. I smiled back and walked ahead. On reaching my colony, I saw that the gate was shut. I tried to push it open, but alas, it seemed to have been bolted from inside. I called for the guard, but he didn't seem to hear me. Must have disappeared again. My guard had a tendency of leaving his cabin every now and then, during the night. He would just lock the gate from inside and go off for a while. I had complained about him a number of times, but nobody seemed to care. Finally, I decided I had no other choice. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and murmured, "Open."
There was a click, a grinding of the bolt, a creaking of the hinges. The gate swung open.
