DOUBLE EDGED A Harper's Book. (Book 10)

Razzle Dazzle

Stunned and a bit scared of Sire's admission I spoke calmly. "You must never have those thoughts Sire. He's your blood, family. It would destroy the Empire completely. My relationship with CJ wasn't all hurt and betrayal. There was good time's and love. He did love me but thing's change and it wasn't anyone's fault. We were both to blame. We were young and rushed in. There's so much that you nor anyone else doesn't know about our relationship. I wasn't happy either in the end. We did what was best for both of us. Yes it hurt but not just me, it hurt him too. Everyone handles hurt and unhappiness differently. CJ handled it by cheating. No, that wasn't the best way to cope but it was his way to cope. You must never think of harming him. By doing so you would crush your family as well as me".

" That's a lie Alice ". Sire sneered. "I clearly remember the evening I bumped into you at the Den. We crossed each other's path in the hall outside. You were crying and looked right at me and said that you should have chose me right before you attacked me with a kiss. Before I could get home and clean your lipstick off I ran into family and lied because you were still married. Don't stand there and tell me that you don't feel for me or regret choosing CJ". Sire accused.

In my defense I replied. "I was mad at CJ at the time and wanted to retaliate. Also I had been drinking and I'm sorry for doing that to you Sire. We need to just put our feelings aside because us would never work. We'd have to go into hiding from not just CJ but the entire family. You'd be disowned and I hunted. This would cause a war within".

Looking me in the eye in all seriousness he said with conviction. "It's a war I'm willing to fight. If it means I get you I'll risk it".

No matter what I said I couldn't convince Sire to understand that this was a deadly game that wouldn't end well for anyone. Yes, I do have feelings for Sire and have for sometime but I was smart and stayed away. Was my feelings for Sire as strong as my feelings for CJ? No, not at all. At one time I truly and deeply loved CJ but I often caught myself wondering about Sire which is what makes this that much more dangerous. Now I don't have CJ or a marriage as an excuse to control my feelings for Sire, which means that I'll need to fight these reoccurring feelings even more. The last thing I want is a family war and this would cause it. I knew what I had to do no matter how much it hurt. Sire had always been a good friend and I hated to lose him but it must be done. With strength in my voice I said. "Sire I'm going to need you to go and I must ask that you never return. This is for the best. You will always be dear to me but I'm not your one".

Sire laughed. "Okay, I'll go Alice but you can't deny me forever. Even you know it. Until we meet again my love".

As soon as the door closed I raced to it to.ensure that it was locked securely. My heart ached even more as I felt like I had lost a best friend. I kept telling myself that I had done the right thing by ending our friendship but it didn't feel right. Taking a seat at the table I stared at my hands in deep thought. I don't know how long I sat there like that but I didn't snap out of it until I heard a knock on my door. My heart vibrated as I thought Sire had returned. Quietly I walked to the door and checked the peep hole. To my astonishment it was CJ. My first inclination was that Sire had approached him and I was worried what this visit could mean. Call it tired of running and worrying, I opened the door. CJ gave me a nervous smile. "I'm sorry to just stop by unannounced but I really need to see you".

I knew CJ well enough to know something was bothering him so I allowed him entrance. At the same time I was thanking my lucky stars that I had sent Sire away. Let's just say that it wouldn't have ended well had CJ showed up with him here. CJ took a seat at the table and asked shyly. "First do you think I could get a cup of that mint chocolate coffee you use to make for me?"

I grinned. "Sure, no problem" .

As I buried myself around the kitchen I spoke. "I'm glad to see you feeling better" .

"Yea, me too. Ive mostly recovered but still have a few sore areas".

Sitting the hot mug in front of him I sat down. "CJ I'm sorry for the trouble I caused you and the family. Had I only known what that asshole was up to".

CJ stopped me by laying his hand over mine in the table. "Relax Alice. You didn't know and was taken advantage of. I'm just thankful you wasn't hurt." He paused and laughed.

" Also I'm sorry for what my grandmother demanded of you. Trust me, the family knows just how convincing she can be. Rest assured, she spoke to everyone and cleared your name. You needn't worry about anything ".

I gave a half chuckle. "Yes, she can be very convincing especially when she's threatening your life".

" Once again I apologize. You're probably wondering exactly why I'm here though ".

I nodded my head. "I can't deny that it hasn't crossed my mind".

CJ took a deep breath before he spoke. "I'm sorry Alice.... For everything I ever did to you. God, I hope you can forgive me. I know you must hate me and I don't blame you".

I shook my head. "I don't hate you CJ. And yes, it took some time but I do forgive you".

He was quiet for a moment then just laid it out on the table. "I was wrong Alice. I made the biggest mistake of my life when I let you go. I know I don't deserve another chance but I've got to at least try. Could we possibly try and work us out? I'm not saying rush in but maybe a date and see from there? I miss you something bad and I need you in my life. I was a fool and I'll gladly take all of the blame. I'm begging my queen to take me back?"

I stood up and started pacing the narrow kitchen. My mind was blown and temporarily out of order. First Sire and now CJ. The truth was that I didn't know what to say. Suddenly I felt CJ 's hands rest on my upper arm's to stop me from my nervous walking. I looked up at him and oh, those eye's. Those eye's that I once fell in love with. Then suddenly I saw Sire 's dark eye's and pulled away. CJ stepped back to me and let his thumb rub over my lips. "I love you Alice. Come home my queen".

Before I knew what was happening CJ bent down and captured my mouth. The kiss was lovely and so familiar. I can't deny that I didn't enjoy it but none of this was safe. Pulling away yet again I said in a whisper. "I need to think about all of this. I need some time to digest everything" .

CJ nodded his head. "I understand Alice but please don't take too long". Then the door closed behind him.

And here I was....

A girl torn between two powerful men....

A girl that held the key to destruction to the most powerful family in the palm of her hand.

A girl that could bring it all down.....