His Smile Will Keep You Safe - Ryan Seaman x Reader

Chapter Fourteen

Warnings: ANGST, anxiety
Word Count: 5 332
A/N: Even if you're scared, please read to the end

You wanted Ryan to look up at you, wanted him to tell you that he believed you, that he liked you too, that he had never doubted your affection for him, that he had always known that Lars had lied.

But he did not.

Instead he turned away from you, and ran his hands over his face. For a moment you thought he would turn back to you. Instead he started walking away, not even attempting to look over his shoulder.

It felt like your heart had stopped beating. All blood seemed to rush into your legs, making you dizzy, and for a moment you wondered if Ryan would come running back if your knees would give out, and you would fall to the ground, but you were too frozen in place to even break down. What had happened? Why was he not even talking to you? If he did not like you back, why not say it? Did he not believe you? Did he really think you would play with his emotions like that?

It took you a good ten seconds until breathing was possible again, and your brain started working. You had sworn to yourself you would say these words that had been on the tip of your tongue for weeks, tell him you were in love with him. And you wanted a proper rejection. Not just some turning away and walking into the night like some dramatic rom-com hero. You needed him to say that he did not want anything to do with you.

So you did the only thing you were able to think of. You ran after him.

"Ryan, hey!"

He had been walking faster than you had thought, and with his long legs he had already made it pretty far down the street, speeding up when he heard you following him. Just when you were about to reach him, he spun around.

"What?"

His voice was harsh, a sound that made you flinch, and you realized that while Lars had not been able to scare you in the venue earlier, it was far too easy for Ryan to do so now. Maybe because Ryan meant everything to you, and Lars nothing.

His face was half hidden in the shadows, making it impossible to tell if the expression he was wearing was one of anger or pain, and your heart clutched in your chest.

"Talk to me," you begged, trying to ignore the tears that were stinging in your eyes.

Who cared if you cried now? It only would prove your point of how much he meant to you. And while you obviously could not be sure about it, you had a feeling that the situation you found yourselves in was not due to a lack of feelings for you from his side.

But now he only stared at you, stared at you like he wished he did not know who you were.

"Please, Ryan," the words in your mind started tumbling over each other, and your tongue and jaw felt heavy, making speaking hard, "I-"

The look in his eyes made you shut up. Never in your life had you though you could see his beautiful brown eyes filled with so much anger and pain.

It did not matter. You had sworn yourself to say it, to ask him for a rejection, if that was all he had to offer, and even if it would tear your heart in two, more so than the past two weeks, then so be it.

"I love you, Ryan, I love you and I have been in love with you for weeks, and if you don't feel the same, I want you to say it into my face, and you won't ever have to see me again." Your voice was steadier than you had believed to be possible, considering all the emotions flooding through your system. "But if you feel the same, then I don't want some jealous asshole to destroy what we could have together. Because I think that's the real problem here. Otherwise, what would these photos on Instagram have been about?"