Hate How Much I Love You|| Sirius Black [2]

Chapter 2

Madison retired to her quarters later in the evening. She sat on the edge of the four poster, curtained bed, her legs tightly together and her back straight as if she was being scolded by someone, except she wasn't. Being back at the castle was on just sinking in and her stomach felt as if it was swirling. She had left it in such a difficult and rushed way which she did partially regret but she never imagined returning at all. It once was her home. But now it was her work. She was taking her old astronomy teacher's quarters. She would no longer be "Madison" or "Maddie" to the students. She would be Professor Parker. It was unbelievable!

Her eyes dropped to her unpacked trunks brought up by the house-elves whilst she had her introductions and her dinner. She pushed her leaf up from the bed and slowly made her way over to the smallest one, the one she took with her in her travels but never opened. She crouched down before it and she unclicked the locks and came face to face with the past. This trunk was full of memories that she couldn't leave behind both metaphorically and physically, the contents staring her in the face. Their faces were happy as they laughed. The redhead with her hand rested on the chest of the scruffy-haired brunette boy with glasses. The tall blonde, forgot about his scars and "furry" problem as he snorted with laughter with his arms round the shorter blonde haired boy who sniggered. The couple in the corner of the photo giggle as they cuddled up. The two brunettes, one with bright blue eyes and one with soft brown sat beside each other laughing whilst the blonde girl stared directly at the last girl, both laughing as well. Yet the last girl was not only in the photograph, she now held it in the palm of her hands, smiling softly at the memory. This was when all was well. Before the terror. Before the torture. Before the deaths. Before the heartbreak. All was well.

The photo album beside it was no longer added too. The last photos being of the wedding- James and Lily Potter's and the welcoming of baby Harry. It held years of memories, from when Madison herself was an infant, right up until 1981. When everything fell to pieces. Beneath the photo album and the photograph was a jacket. A leather one long forgotten and buried within the trunk. The leather jacket given to Madison on her 17th birthday by none other than Sirius Black. It matched his except for the label on the inside. She opened it up and her fingers traced the letters. To my Maddie. Love S x

My Maddie...

She shook her head and placed it on the ground beside the trunk and moved onto the next items. Photos after photos, Madison pages past them until she came across a stack of papers. Old notes passed to and from her friends during class and then a final two pieces of parchment folded up neatly and hidden at the bottom.

It was the list.

The list of fifty items made for Sirius Black to get Madison to trust him. Yet he didn't complete the list. He didn't need to. She trusted him long before the list was completed and it was forgotten. Madison hadn't seen this list in years, and years ago she did not clap eyes on the scrawl on the back of it. I need Madison to trust me. Black must have written it. It of course was his handwriting and only he needed to gain her trust at the time. She could hear his voice speaking these words and then other things. His voice swirled around her in her head, encasing her and making her drop to the ground fully. From just stupid jokes, to careless whispers, to his dog-like laughter and his soft, serious tone, everything just washed over her and she cracked.

Madison threw everything back into the trunk and slammed it shut before throwing herself onto the bed and letting the tears fall. How could she be back here with them all? Yes, she had Remus. But she didn't have Lily, Evangeline, Mary, Marlene, Alice, Frank, James, Peter and Sirius! How was it possible to be there with them ALL? No matter what had happened she could not stop herself from missing them all. She missed their fun. She missed their voices. She missed their hugs. She missed them.

She cried loudly into her pillows, clinging to them tightly, screwing her eyes shut tightly. So much so much she failed to hear the knock on her door or it open and the footsteps that followed. "Madison, dear?" Professor McGonagall sat on the bed beside her placing a hand on her back gently.

Madison looked up at the old professor and she threw herself into her arms. "Oh, Madison, if it's too much coming back here—"

"I miss them," Madison sobbed.

"I know you do. I miss them too but t will get better."

"When? Fourteen years and I'm still thinking that I will run into one of them in the streets. I still yearn to hear and see Lily and James and Peter and Mary and Marlene and Alice and Frank. Professor, forgive me if you disagree but I even miss him."

"Black?" Madison nodded. "Of course you will miss him. You and him and a wonderful relationship, unexpected but wonderful. Even though he has done something so unforgivable I often find myself missing him, the old him, that is."

"Do you really believe he did it?" Madison asked, wiping her eyes. "Not a day goes by that I don't question and doubt my belief but Professor, I still can't fathom that he would do such a thing. They were brothers!"

"It is a difficult thing to come to terms with but the evidence is clear cut. I'm sorry, dear, that is just the way it is. Would you like me to fetch Mr Lupin? It seems as if you could do with your friend right now."

"Please."

McGonagall left quietly and Madison pulled her knees up into her chest. Her breathing was ragged and her hands shook by the time Remus burst into her quarters and rushed to her side. "Minnie explained everything. Merlin, Maddie, why didn't you say something earlier?"

"You and Belle had matters to discuss. She's a child and I am an adult. I can look after myself."

Remus chuckled, "and I have no doubt about that, but, Maddie, that doesn't remain you can't share your problems with me. I understand how you feel. It was the hardest thing getting on that train in September without you all. I was in that carriage we always sat in and I fell asleep. When I woke up I was confronted with my best friend, except, it wasn't him it was his son. Maddie, it's very difficult to not call him James or Prongs and it's so difficult to not be here without everyone. Maddie we're in the same boat and we will get across this stormy sea."

"Together?"

"Together."

"Hey, Rem?" Madison asked after a little while later, "will you stay tonight? It's cold."

"Of course, Maddie. I'm sorry I didn't get in touch to tell you about Belle. It's been a bit hectic to say the least."

"Don't be a twat, it's understandable. She is gorgeous, you know. And she is a lucky girl to have you as a da'."

Remus shook his head as they climbed under the duvet, "she deserves better. What if she also has the... furry problem?"

"First of all, shut the feck up! You will be an amazing da' and secondly, if she has it, I'm sure you'll know by now. Wouldn't you?"

"I guess."

"There, quit your flapping. Now cuddle because I'm still cold, and I'm indeed very tired."

"Fine..." Remus sighed and out his arm around her, it felt good to have his best friend back in his arms. He had missed her dearly. "Goodnight, Leo."

"Goodnight, Moony."