incarcerated

12.

"now," eddy clapped his hands together, "does anyone have any suggestions as to how we can prevent anything like that from happening ever again? because i've got tons if you don't."

the only response to his question was the sound of the air con running. the warden took a deep breath and crossed his arms.

"if i catch a single one of you slacking on the job, i will either make your life a living hell or i will fire you. don't fucking try me. keep your eyes on your fucking inmates and actually intervene when you see something happening. i want your eyes glued to these men constantly and i want action taken if something goes wrong. you're all going to be required to retake the training courses next week and if i hear one fucking complaint, you'll have to take them a third time and maybe a fourth time until you get your fucking head on straight. i'm extremely disappointed in every single one of you. get the fuck out of here."

the guards cleared out of that room faster than eddy had ever seen them. he went back to his office after the meeting and sat in his chair, drinking water and trying to calm the pounding of his heart. whether it showed or not, getting up in front of that many people and disciplining them was one of the hardest parts of his job. he'd struggled with social anxiety since adolescence and had probably made a bad decision by becoming the warden of a prison, but he seemed to be good at it and he liked it most of the time. but that didn't mean that acting the way he did every day wasn't going to take a toll on him. he'd had to learn to yell at people without crying and it was impossible for him not to lock himself in his office afterwards and burst into tears. but he kept it cool this time, taking deep breaths and trying to focus on paperwork again.

he missed brett. there wasn't anything he wouldn't have given in order to have the smaller man back in his office and to crawl back onto that couch with him. he couldn't help but wonder how brett was doing and his hands itched to grab the walkie and call him to his office, but he knew better.

and even if eddy had called for brett, the smaller man wouldn't have come. he had taken a long shower that morning after leaving eddy's office and scrubbed his entire body raw before going back to his bunk and falling asleep. just like yelling at his staff had taken a toll on eddy, the previous night had taken a toll on brett. but brett was in much worse shape.

eddy had excused brett from work for at least a week and had written in the memo that he really didn't have to come back until he was ready. the warden did not want to force someone who'd been traumatized to go back to work. it didn't matter that he was in prison, he was still a person and eddy cared about him deeply.

brett did not leave his bed for three days. the guards informed eddy of how bad he was doing and it hurt, but there was really nothing the warden could do. sending him to the psychiatric ward would only ruin him even more and he couldn't personally intervene without brett getting angry at him or the other inmates noticing. he was stuck—again.

on the fourth day after the second incident in the closet, eddy was still in the prison at 2 a.m. he decided to stay late and watch some footage to make sure his guards were doing what they were supposed to, even when eddy wasn't around. he'd been making regular rounds around the prison to check on things every day. and everyday he'd seen brett laying in his bed with a blanket covering his entire body. it hurt to look at,

at 2:37 a.m., the door to eddy's office opened. brett walked in and sat down on the couch without saying a word. the warden stared at him, surprised.

"uh... hey?" he frowned. "how did you get here?"

"i asked to come. would've just walked again, but your guards were actually awake," he mumbled. eddy felt a strange sense of satisfaction.

"they got chewed out," the warden explained, "and i fired two of them."

"oh," brett muttered. eddy frowned.

"did you need something?" he asked, trying his hardest not to sound annoyed. brett being in his office absolutely delighted him. but he was also very concerned.

the smaller man did not answer eddy's question. he clenched his teeth and eddy watched tears fill his eyes as he stared at the wall, his inner turmoil visible behind his deep brown irises. something was really wrong and eddy was the only person he could come to.

"i feel like i'm suffocating," brett breathed, putting his head in his hands and inhaling shakily. eddy frowned again.

"what do you mean?"

"you're the only person here i trust and you're the fucking warden. i can't talk to you without it putting me at risk for fucking death. i'm not even supposed to be talking to you like i do. i'm supposed to hate you and fear you and spend my whole sentence wishing for you to lose your job or something. but i can't. you're the only one in here or outside of here that makes me feel safe. i keep telling you to leave me alone but i'm the one that can't keep myself from you. and i can't close my eyes without seeing your fucking face after you rescued me from that piece of shit and i can't stop thinking about how you held me in that shitty room for hours until i passed out. don't even try to bullshit me, you wouldn't have done that for any other person in this place. and i know you think i don't belong here, but isn't it deeper than that? isn't there something going on between us that we try to ignore because we don't understand it and because if it's true then you'll lose your job and probably end up in a place just like this? i'm so confused.. um.. sir," brett ranted, gesturing dramatically the entire time. tears streamed down his cheeks and eddy watched as he went on and on, every word out of his mouth the absolute truth.

"yes," was all eddy could say. brett nodded and wiped his eyes.

"i can't get over those two nights, sir. i just can't. they're eating away at me and seeing you is all that makes it better but the logistics of the situation make everything so much worse. i don't know what i'm doing and i don't think you know either. it feels like... well, like i'm in prison. more than i already am."

eddy nodded and pushed his hair out of his face, rubbing his tired eyes. it was obvious that he was completely exhausted and both of them knew he probably wouldn't go home that night.

"did you sleep next to me the other night?" brett asked. eddy froze. he didn't think he knew.

"uh... yes," he nodded. the smaller boy stood up and pulled out the couch.

eddy said nothing as brett walked over to behind his desk and grabbed his hands to pull him out of his chair.

"do it again. you're exhausted."

the silence on eddy's part continued and his heart pounded loudly as brett led him over to the couch, gently removed his jacket, and pushed him lightly to get him to sit. the warden was in a daze of exhaustion and almost shock as brett locked the office door and crawled in next to eddy, pushing him again so he'd lay down. the smaller boy pulled the familiar blanket from the shelf and covered both of them.

"now come here," brett said softly. "let's do this now in case we never get to again."

eddy said nothing as the smaller man's arms wrapped around his neck and pulled his head to his chest. it was a relief to hear that brett's heart was beating as fast as eddy was as his ear pressed to the older boy's chest and he rested against it. brett's hands were slow as they ran through eddy's hair and the warden leaned into the touch like a small cat, sighing contentedly. he loved brett's arms around his neck and wrapped his own around the other boy's waist, tracing patterns on the fabric of brett's loose fitting shirt. it was dangerous for them to touch, but it felt so natural. they calmed each other down and their bodies seemed to melt together as they laid on the small couch under the thick blanket. it was so wrong, but everything about it felt exactly right. they were where they were supposed to be.

"get some sleep. goodnight, sir," brett said softly, his lips brushing the top of eddy's head. but the warden was already half gone, his eyelids weighing tons as he laid on the inmate's chest.

"goodnight, brett."