Exhale

Chapter 1: No Words

Beep.
Beep.
Beep.

The incessant noise wouldn't stop.

Beep.
Beep.
Beep.

It went straight to the throbbing pain in her temples.

Beep.
Beep.

Tuning out the noise, I become conscious of being in a dream-like state but that state changing rapidly.

Beep.

My eyes fluttered open. White. Sterile. Clean. I took note of my surroundings and was immediately flooded with tears.

How could I have forgotten where I was? How could I have forgotten the circumstances that brought me her.

Grandton Rivers Hospital.

I was alone. The tears slowly rolled down my face, landing on the white bed sheets and creating a smile wet patch. My mind was racing and empty at the same time. I felt everything and was also numb.

Shaky hands reached for my stomach. Empty. No longer in the process of creating a miracle. Grief poured through me, as if I was in a the steady stream of a shower. The sobs left my mouth, my right hand reaching to stifle the noise.

Why me? Why did it have to be my miracle? Questions flew through my mind but they all left unanswered.

A knock disrupted my thinking. I lay quiet, sobs racking through my body as I turned onto my side and faced the window. The knock sounded again, it seemed like an echo.

From the corner of my eye, I saw the door open slowly at first. I ignored the human being that was invading my personal space.

"Lay?" A whisper.

No answer from me. He was not wanted here. He was too late. It didn't matter anymore.

"Layla?" This time the deep voice was louder. The voice bouncing off the walls and echoing in the small room.

I turned slightly, facing the owner of this deep voice.

"What do you want?" My voice came out scratchy.

He cleared his throat.

"You're my wife! What do you meant what do I want? You're in the hospital Lay! I came as soon as I could," he rushed out.

"No need to bother yourself with little ole me," I whispered. I turned to face the window once more.

It truly was a beautiful day. Sun shining, birds chirping, people of all ages enjoying the joyous spring day.

"You're my wife!" Came the repeater statement.

"No one else is here, you can drop the pretext," I whispered as I continued to stare out the window.

"Lay..."

"Can you please stop calling me that?" I asked.

"What do you mean? I've always called you 'Lay'."

"Only those that love me get the privilege of calling me 'Lay,'" I whispered once more.

"Layla!" His voice rose.

"You can leave," I whispered as my eyes felt heavier with each word spoken. A large weight bringing my soul down to the depths of hell.

"Are you fucking serious? I'm not leaving! Do you hear yourself? I'm your husband!" His voice climbing in tone.

"You were never my husband. Something you reminded me of everyday or have you conveniently forgotten?" I asked, looking at all the happy families walking through the park across the street from the hospital.

"Layla, what do you want me to say or do here? I can't help you if you won't talk to me, let alone look at me?" He asked.

"There is nothing you could say that would ever help me, dearest husband of mine," the last part of that statement laced in sarcasm.

"Okay, then what do you want me to do?"

"Leave," I responded quickly.

"You know I can't do that. What will others think?" He asked.

"They will think the same as they did yesterday. Your wife being rushed in to the hospital because she was having a miscarriage and her husband no where in sight. Not answering his phone, eventually the staff gave up and focused on me, I said gaining my steady voice back.

"They were thinking 'what would a man be doing if he wasn't by his pregnant wife's side at 2 o'clock in the morning? He must be an important man.' Do you think that is what they were thinking?" I asked rhetorically.

"I can't tell you the answer is no. My husband is a man that is too busy with his mistress that he couldn't be bothered to check up on his pregnant wife. He was too busy fucking Cecelia Wallis that he didn't check the 10 missing calls and 5 voicemails from his wife and the nursing staff here at Grandton. My husband couldn't be bothered with the real world."

"Lay...."

"Don't call me that!" I yelled. "You can never, ever call me that! You lost that right indefinitely after last night!" My voice rose as tears once again created new tracks over the old ones.

"I didn't know! I didn't know!" He repeated.

"How could you? You didn't answer your phone remember. I hope Cece is okay, you had to rush out this morning. Mighty early for you, she might think she's not important to you," I bit out sarcastically.

He inhaled and closed his eyes.

"Layla, please. Please just tell me what happened," he whispered.

"Why should I? Go ask the hospital staff why I was admitted. I don't want to talk to you anymore," I said and closed my eyes. I was exhausted. Seeing James just brought everything back.

A knock sounded on the door and Dr. Carson came in a moment later.

"Layla... Oh, is this your husband?" She asked.

James sprung into action.

"Yes, James Cerretos," he stated.

"Nice to meet you Mr. Cerretos, I wish under different circumstances. Your wife is a trooper, we almost lost her. She needed a blood transfusion when the ambulance arrived. I am sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, your wife had a miscarriage. By the time your wife arrived at the hospital, your son wasn't able to survive the trauma." Dr. Carson said clinically.

"M...my son?" James choked out.

"Yes. Your wife lost too much blood. We might have been able to save him if she arrived sooner, but again undo that wasn't the case."

James walked to the nearest chair and dropped, holding his head in his hands.

"I'll leave you two for a moment. I know this is devastating for the both of you. We still need to discuss the procedure. But I'll come back," she said awkwardly. The room silent.

She left quickly after. James still processing the information silently. I didn't have anything else to say to James. My mind went blank and I succumbed to the exhaustion.