Not your fault~ Sabrina Carpenter ♡

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by _ignorantlove_

by _ignorantlove_

⚠️Trigger warning!!!! ⚠️
Please don't read self harm, suicide, depression, anxiety is included in this story

~Sabrina Carpenter ♡

Walking down 29th and Park
I saw you in another's arms
Only a month we've been apart
You look happier

I look across the street at see her, the girl who had stollen my heart and can't seem to give it back. The love of my life. The only girl that will ever cross my mind, make my heart race and make me flustered, one one else makes me feel like that and I don't want them too, I love her.

Saw you walk inside a bar
He said something to make you laugh
I saw that both your smiles were twice as wide as ours
Yeah, you look happier, you do

I watch them walk into the restaurant we used to go in. The one we used to spend every Tuesday's and Friday's. She moved on, it didn't take her long. I wonder if she still knows I exists, I wonder if she still even thinks about me.

Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you
But ain't nobody love you like I do
Promise that I will not take it personal, baby
If you're moving on with someone new
'Cause baby you look happier, you do

I hurt her. I hurt her. I loved her, I still do. But I ruined it. I don't know why I did what I did. I thought it was right. I thought since we were both busy with work that it was better if we stopped dating since we didn't see each other except for at night. Boy was I wrong, I shouldn't have said anything.

My friends told me one day I'll feel it too
And until then I'll smile to hide the truth
But I know I was happier with you

I am never going to find anyone like you. Not anyone. You're the love of my life Sabrina. What the hell am I going to do? Move on even though I'm still madly in love with you? Find some other girl who doesn't make me feel the same way you do? That's not fair on that girl, I could never ever love anyone else

Sat on the corner of the room
Everything's reminding me of you
Nursing an empty bottle and telling myself you're happier
Aren't you?

I hold the beer bottle in my arms. Holding it to my chest tightly as I cry. I hate drinking, I hate loving you, I hate everything. I throw it across the room at a picture of us kissing
"Fuck you!" I hiss before I start to sob

Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you
But ain't nobody need you like I do
I know that there's others that deserve you
But my darling, I am still in love with you
But I guess you look happier, you do
My friends told me one day I'd feel it too
I could try to smile to hide the truth

I wish it was me you were happy with. Why couldn't it be me?!
I should be the one!
I sit across from my best friend Hayley when she says she's sorry
I look up "why?"
"Haven't you seen the pictures?"
"What pictures? What's going on?"
She holds Up her phone. I look at it. It's Sabrina, sabrina with the guy I've seen her with. She's in a wedding dress, he's in a suit and they're kissing
"W-What? This has to be some sick joke"
"Y/n, you and Sabrina broke up four years ago, she's going to move on. You can't just sit there weeping, you should be happy for her. You need to move on too, you'll find someone who makes you happy"Hayley states making me stand and walk out of her house

I know I was happier with you
Baby, you look happier, you do
I knew one day you'd fall for someone new
But if breaks your heart like lovers do
Just know that I'll be waiting here for you

Hey Hayley,
I'm sorry if you found me, and if not I'm just sorry all together, I just couldn't put up with anything anymore. Thank you for everything, you kept me sane while you could. You were like a sister to me. I love you
From y/n

I sit the note down on the table before I slip down in the bathtub, the warm water making my body feel warm, but not my heart. I grab the knife and make small slits in my wrist until they become bigger and bigger, next thing I know everything's blurry and I feel light headed "bye Sabrina" I mumble before everything goes black

Hayley's pov:

I know I shouldn't have said what I did, I know that very well. I have to go make sure y/n is okay. I know she's upset about what's going on it's just of Sabrina's moved on why can't she? She deserves to be happy. She can't keep weeping over a girl who's married.
I use my spare key to y/n house to unlock the door.
"Y/n?" I ask walking in and starting my Search around her house. I see her shoes and bag on the couch meaning she did come home
"Y/n?! Y/n?! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to say what I did"
I run towards the bathroom in y/n's bedroom before opening the door to see blood all over the floor and in the bath water. Shit. I take out my phone and call 911

*time skip cause I. Am. Lazy. As. Hell.*

sabrina's pov

I run into the police station with tears running down my face
"Hey sab" Hayley hugs me
"Hey Hayley" I sniff
"I'm sorry"
"I'm sorry too"
"She-she left something f-for you" Hayley hands me a small crinkled note from in her pocket. It has tear marks but I'm not sure if that's from y/n or Hayley
I open the note slowly scared that I might rip it. Once I've opened it I start to read it slowly

Hey Sabby,

I break down at the nickname. The tears run down my face and I hide my face in my hands before I start to read again

If you're reading this I guess you do remember I exist. Well the reason I did do what I did is because I'm still in love with you. After over four years I still think about you everyday. Everything about you, your hair, your eyes, your freckles, your smile, your laugh, your jokes, your voice, your hugs, your kisses, your everything, everything about you and everything that involves you, I know you have moved on...but that doesn't mean I have.
You meant the world to me...no, you were my world, you are my world and I can't help but think that you wish we never got a divorce. But I know you've moved one, I've see the picture, I've seen the way he makes you smile, the way he makes you laugh, I'm sorry if what I did wasn't good enough, wasn't good enough to make you laugh like he does, or smile.
I must not have been when you wanted, otherwise you wouldn't have sent me those papers, you wouldn't have moved on so quickly, I've texted you before, you always read them, I know that for sure, you don't seem to care about me anymore so I don't expect you to care when I'm gone. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough, I'm sorry I couldn't love you, I'm sorry for everything Brinabear, I hope you can forgive me if you haven't already. I love you baby girl, I always have and always Will, maybe I'll see you again someday, wherever I go, maybe you'll end up there too. Maybe then I can make you happy. Don't blame yourself for this, none of it is your fault. You know I've been suffering from depression and anxiety since I was a kid. So I hope you know that those are the reasons I'm gone not you. Please remember that
Love your pumpkin y/n/n

I stare at the letter in disbelief. I love her too. But now it's too late. I loved her with every bone in my body but I messed it up. She tells me not to blame myself but I do, More than words can describe, if I just tired to win her back WE would be married, WE would have kids, She wouldn't be dead and we would be happy. I was always happy with her. Never with my husband. All he wants is to get in my pants. Y/n actually cared about me and wanted me to be happy. I'm so stupid. I break down again in loud sobs as Hayley wraps her arms around me. I pretend it's y/n for a minute before I say bye to Hayley and leave.