Letters

Letters (Loving You #1)

I've been writing letters to him for years.

I first met him when we were kids and he just moved in our neighborhood. It was as they say love at first sight. Can kids experience love at first sight? I supposed they can since it happened to me. I know I love him since I first laid eyes on him. He was the most beautiful thing my eyes have ever seen. I never did told him that since guys don't like being told they are beautiful, do they? Neither did I tell him that I love him.

I've always been one of the boys. I was even playing with toy cars and toy guns with the boys from the neighborhood when I first saw him. Maybe that's why he hangs out with me even though I'm a girl. And maybe that's why, he never saw me as something more.

We were 12 back then, and like all kids still ignorant to the ways of the world, except for him. He had a lot of experience in the world than I did, in fact than any kids that I know. He's always been street smart.

And by the time we we're 15, he was more mature than any kids our age. He still hangs out with me though. I never did figure out why, since a lot of kids thinks it's not cool hanging out with a girl, especially since he's so mature and I'm so naive. Maybe he just like my company and the attention I gave him. I wasn't bad-looking myself.

By the time we we're 17, we started to grew apart. I can't really point out the reason.

Maybe it's because he got a girlfriend.

Maybe it's because he started working part time.

Maybe it's because he started hanging out with those kids that a lot us avoid.

Maybe it's because I was focusing on my studies.

Maybe it's just because he got tired of my company.

Maybe... maybe... maybe. I can only speculate. But even when we grew apart, even when he got himself a girlfriend, even when it hurts seeing him with her, I never stopped loving him.

I always believe him to be smart. Well, not smart as in high marks in school. Just smart about the world - street smart. But from time to time he just does something very stupid. Like from that time when we were 15, when he barged in the middle of a lecture in order to ask a girl from my class out on a date for a bet and got himself sent to the principal's office, everyone said he was an idiot. But at that time I thought he was cool, I just wished that the girl was me.

But the stupidest thing he ever done, was when we were 18. He got himself a sentence of 12 years in prison. Who the hell, robs a convenience store in your neighborhood where someone can easily recognize you? And why the hell did he robbed the store in the first place? Armed at that! I know they're not rich neither they are so poor to resort to robbery. I was unable to ask him why he did it. I kept in touch with him, not just because I am his friend but also because I wanted to. I've been writing to him ever since.

When we write to each other, we talk about anything, about my life, how he is coping in prison, the past, anything. And I can feel the distane between us beginning to close. But I still didn't tell him I love him. I once hinted to him that I love him, well I just sent a letter that says that I'm in love with somebody and didn't say who, not much of a hint really. Then, do you know what he said? He said he was sad. SAD! Sad that I don't care as much anymore. Why would you be sad if you're friend is in love?

That's when I thought that maybe I didn't have to tell him I love him, that maybe he already knows and he might just love me back.

I know that there is a possibility I'm reading too much into things. I was never perceptive. I kept thinking maybe he never meant those words to sound like that. Then, I would get scared, what if I'm waiting for him, and then when the time comes, I was mistaken and he never loved me. I know I should have just told him I love him, but I was more scared of the outright rejection. So, I dated somebody else.