peter parker imagines!

22a | dirty talk (hc)

THIS GIF IS SO FRIGGIN ATTRACTIVE ;LHKGJFCJKL;OJHLKGUJYF

summary: to the public, peter parker is the epitome of innocent, but after a conversation at lunch, he is determined to prove the opposite.

warnings: SO MANY DIRTY JOKES but to be fair that's literally the premise of this entire chapter... also hella sexual tension and cussing and y eah

+ + +

- peter parker is a soft innocent child (as we all know)

- but we also know that he is a teenage boy

- and teenage boys

- do

- things?

- ?????????

- but of course, peter keeps his private life private

- which gives him the impression of the most absolutely innocent boy (which he is but like... not entirely..?)

- this impression especially sticks with his friends:

ned: peter, you couldn't be dirty if you tried
mj: *smirk-laughs*
peter: what? i can be dirty!
y/n: dude, the only way you'd get dirty is by not showering for five days
ned: she's right, peter
peter: *whining* bet! i can totally be dirty! 
y/n: *snorts* yeah, okay, mr. clean

- and so, peter was now on a mission

- after patrol, this mans literally looked up a bunch of dirty jokes and took quizzes on whether or not he was dirty minded

- like

- homeboy was  p r e p a r e d

- the next day, as soon as he saw you, he ran up next to you with a shit-eating grin

- "hey, little one," you joked

- he let out an annoyed whine before refocusing himself

- "hey, y/n, why did the sperm cross the road?"

- you immediately recoiled, stopping in your tracks for a second before beginning to walk beside him again

- "...why?"

- "because i put on the wrong sock this morning."

- "oh my god, peter, gross."

- he jumped at every living possibility he could to make a dirty joke, just to prove a point

- and recently, more specifically, to prove a point to you

- even ned noticed that his jokes were becoming more pointed at you

- for example: 

y/n: *brushing out your hair* ugh, it's too long
peter: that's what she said!

- or:

y/n: *drops pencil* agh, fuck me
peter: okay

- like this boy got to a point where he didn't even care about proving that he was dirty (that came naturally after a bit)

- he began to love seeing your reactions and the look on your face at his words

- like you'd blush and get flustered before smacking him in the arm

- or

- or

- OR

- you'd respond with something either just as dirty or even dirtier