Ghost of Christmas Past

Three

“There was nothing I could do, Lilly. Bullets were flying all around. There was no time to do anything but duck and run.”

Her gaze drifted to the bloody rag tied hastily around his arm. She swallowed hard. “Then you don’t know for sure he’s dead. Y-you had to leave. There is still a chance he’s alive.”

Jack’s dark eyes locked with hers. “No, Lilly. He’s gone. He was hit bad more than once. No one could have survived it.” The truth of his words reflected painfully in his eyes.

“We have to go to the sheriff,” she choked out, beginning to tremble.

He moved forward as though to take her in his arms, but Lilly jerked away. She couldn’t stand the thought of any man other than her husband touching her. Not even in comfort.

“That will be enough, Mr. Dawes. Go and take care of yourself.” Mrs. Harrison rounded the end table and opened the door. “See the doctor, and speak with the sheriff. Elizabeth and I will stay with Mrs. Langston.”

Jack fixed one last lingering gaze on Lilly before nodding and striding from the house.

The door shut and Lilly collapsed onto the settee. Loss and pain tore through her as she curled her arms around her belly. “This can’t be happening,” she whispered, vividly remembering the soft touch of Davy’s lips on her own, and the feel of his broad palm on her stomach. Surely she was dreaming. This was nothing more than an awful nightmare. In a few minutes she’d wake up with her heart pounding, and realize none of it had happened. She turned desperate eyes to Mrs. Harrison and Elizabeth. “When word came of Daniel’s death during the war I believed it right away. I knew it was true. I could feel it, but… not Davy. This can’t be right. I don’t feel it.” Tears welled in her eyes.

She’d always prided herself on being strong. The sort of woman that persevered no matter what. Today, however, strength failed her, and when Mrs. Harrison wrapped kindly arms around her she simply laid her head down and wept.

Defeated for the first time in her life.

* * * *

The hour was near midnight by the time Lilly convinced Mrs. Harrison and Elizabeth that she’d be all right by herself that night. She closed the door behind her friends and pressed her back against the wood, glancing around the house. Soft lamplight illuminated the main room, and she flicked a gaze from the hearth to the bookshelf to her cluttered desk. How could everything look so completely ordinary when her world was falling apart?

Davy can’t be dead!

Her heart—her entire being—rejected the reality of it. Her mind warred with her heart. She’d seen enough death in her life to know these miserable events happened, and that miracles didn’t exist.

With tears in her eyes she trudged slowly to the bookshelf. She pulled a leather bound journal from the top shelf and let it fall open to reveal a dried pressed rose. Memories of their wedding day rushed to the forefront of her mind. Davy had been so handsome that day, tall and blonde with those unsettlingly blue eyes. He’d presented her with that very rose.

“…It is my solemn vow to present you with a rose every birthday, anniversary and holiday that we spend together. Starting with today.”

Thus far he’d kept with his promise, but not this Christmas would be empty. Hollow. Devoid of roses and love.

She replaced the dried rose and shoved the book back onto the shelf as devastation overtook her. Painful sobs wracked her. Crying her heart out she stumbled back to the bedroom and collapsed fully clothed onto the bed. She grabbed Davy’s pillow and curled into a ball with it clutched to her chest. She buried her face in the soft expanse, breathing deep his familiar scent. She squeezed her eyes shut, desperate for escape. For just a few hours she wanted sleep and numbness. Tomorrow she’d pick herself up and be strong. Tomorrow she’d wire Davy’s family and break the awful news. Tomorrow she’d be the strong woman she’d always been, but tonight… tonight she just wanted to sleep and pretend her husband’s strong arms would curl around her one more time.